school...and other sundries
but even as i type these words, my eyes are welling up, and there's an unforgiving lump of sandpaper in my throat.
today is no. 1's first day of school.
my wife got permission to go to work late so that we could both be there to get him on the bus. we expected tantrums or freaking out, something. not at all. he got right on the bus, he waved from the window. he didn't even miss his blankie or his binkie (pacifier). he's a supertrooper.
i am a fucking wreck. is it stupid? of course it fucking is. i should be happy. a couple hours sans no. 1, some time to spend with no. 2 one-on-one, the fact that he got on the bus and off to school without any catastrophies. i should be dancing a jig right now. but i'm all conflicted.
i want my kids to grow up, be self-assured, confident, tackle new situations head-on. but obviously that is a big fat load of shit, cause when it comes right down to it, i'm sitting here crying cause he isn't here with me, watching cartoons and getting into shit.
is it so fucking hard to let go? am i going to do this every time he does something new? is it normal? is it fucking normal to feel the way i do?
i suppose so. but i sure hope i'm over it by tomorrow, as i'd really hate to be crying by the street in front of my neighbors every day that he goes to school. i seriously need to grow a pair of nads.
and just so this post isn't a complete downer, let me tell you why lakewood was designed by crack whores (see: on the road...)
yesterday, when i was driving, i was going down onyx. i passed onyx ct. a block or two later, i was on the corner of onyx and onyx.
i was driving down zircon. i came to the corner of zircon and zircon (more appropriately, i had to make a left turn from zircon to be on zircon!)
i was trying to find an address on 76th. there are four chunks of 76th in a two-mile radius. so i call the guy to ask him which chunk of 76th he lives off of. he tells me to make a right turn on 95th. well, i make a right turn onto the wrong chunk of 95th (there are four chunks of 95th in the same area as well), and continue to be lost. i had to call him back again, and he talked me through the last few blocks to his house.
okay, not the funniest stuff maybe, but i am trying to pretend it's business as usual here at the sardonic household.
but i really am proud of no. 1. just not very proud of myself.