Saturday, July 27, 2013

Fuck Off

(As is the case with nearly all my posts of late, this is not aimed at any of the 4 or 5 non-existent readers who frequent my corner of the world wide web. And yes, I say 4 or 5. Some comment here, some don't. I know of at least three, and think a few others stop by. It could be even more. In the end, it's the internet, just how much does it matter?)

I am not anyone's project.  And I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me.  I am a fighter.  I got this, as the kids say.

I will wade through this atrocious inner pond of Hades, through the stinking bile and piles of fecund matter, my pittance held atop my head, and I will come out the other side smelling of roses and ready to cave Goliath's forehead in with a piece of agate that caught my eye.

I realize that I am spilling an unfair amount of anger into this blog, like a tanker aground on abrasive and unforgiving coral off some beach in the South Pacific.  Life is a process.  Anger is part of that process.  I do not feel guilty, ashamed, nor do I apologize.

I, I will grab this, my life, by the tender vittles and I, I will show it who is in charge.  I will wage this war, ultimately, alone, and rise victorious from a muddy foxhole into a sunrise as yet besmirched by mustard gas and cordite, and I will laugh the guffaw of the mentally insane and trudge off to find the answers I seek.

I do not lie to myself anymore.  I see through the flimsy veil that others present to me that does little to conceal the deep, dark untruths to which they cleverly keep themselves blind.

I choose.

I choose what I do, how I react.  I am not perfect, I make mistakes.  I will learn from my mistakes.

But I will not, will NOT, take the plate of rotted meat and maggot-ridden fruit that is presented me and call it a feast fit for a king.

Bear with me, O thou long-suffering non-existent readers, my droogs and only friends, for I am in a moment of transition that requires I spew certain things into a place of safety and acceptance.

And sometimes, this is the only place where I can do that.

Darth Sardonic


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