Monday, February 25, 2008

And silicone enhancements by the breastful.

the stairs are beating the hell out of my knees. or, more accurately, lugging shit up and down the stairs is beating the hell out of my knees.

but the fact of the matter is, they are never gonna get better if i don't work them out, so off i jog to the local gymnasium to work on my "beach body".

(we interrupt this program for this special spot announcement: i am a bit flabby. i have been at least a bit flabby (sometimes alot flabby) for some time now. i haven't wanted to be at all flabby for at least a year or two. being able to frequent the beach alot is helping me to really kick the toning-up process into high gear. other than an improved outer shell, this particular model will remain yours truly, the same humble narrator that has regailed you with sarcastic and witty (but otherwise completely useless) comments and stories for many years now. and now, back to your regularly-scheduled program.)

for the first time in ever, and i mean evfuckinger, i have entered a gym on a military installation, and there were more women than men. granted, it was 9:30 (i got a late start, cut me some slack), but still.

and i realize, this is florida, but goddamn, they must hand out the implants at the checkout counter or something. "there's a two-for-one deal on the del monte peas, and if you buy another bottle of heinz catchup or similar heinz product, you get 10% off your next plastic surgery..."

now, don't get me wrong. i love breasts as much as the next bloke. maybe more. cause i am not picky about size, shape, color, or anything. i am not really even picky about enhanced, as long as they appear fairly natural (and for the record, the ones i looked at (and it was lots, i am almost ashamed to admit), within the confines of tight work-out tank tops, all appeared to be brilliantly done)(i have seen some porn where the boob jobs looked damn near painful, and i lamented the poor nba teams that would have to cancel their game for that evening due to lack of balls with which to play), but never have i seen that many in one place at one time.

and for whatever reason (most likely my conservative upbringing, and the idea that was fed to me, almost subliminally, that women don't really enjoy sex much, and certainly do not liked to be ogled or gawped at, and a gentleman would never do such a thing), i don't just blatantly look. i pretend to be studying myself very intently in the mirror, or checking out some piece of equipment i hope to try out just as soon as i am done with this piece i am occupying, all whilst enjoying the lovely bodies that surround me.

so it is quite likely, o my beloved non-existant readers (who are, it has just occured to me, almost entirely female--i might need to rethink posts like this in the future, heh heh), that my poor neck and eyes might be more sore tomorrow than my chest and arms and back.

but so far, i have to say, i am loving florida.

on a side note, i was a bit worried that the regular sun and heat and exposure to tight tanned flesh might weaken my sardonic capabilities, but as it turns out, my wife informed me the other night that i am even more saucy lately. phew! cause i was beginning to get worried.

darth sardonic

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Blogger Pixie said...

Never mind the tits what about the tat?

12:20 PM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

lol pixie, i will try to get a pic up soon, but then it is going to be awhile before any more of it gets done.

3:28 AM  
Blogger zirelda said...

OMG you make me laugh. I saw a porn flick once where the boobs were out to her fingertips. How she held those puppies up I will never ever know and now that I think about it, I don't want to know. I'm not in the habit of watching porn but you see a woman with two foot boobs....

Anyhoo..... good luck on the toning. I yo yo back and forth and hate myself every time I am wearing a size 14.

7:27 AM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

lol z-exactly. as for the yo yo, yeah, my wife does the same thing and feels the same way, even though she is still hot as fuck. i don't understand women.

9:32 AM  
Blogger zirelda said...

It's ok Darth. You aren't supposed to understand women. ;-)

6:38 PM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

nope, just love how they look, lol.

4:05 AM  

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