isn't lolo hawaiian for baboso?

if you've been passing by this cyber-rest stop on a fairly regular basis, and feel like you might be included when i say the phrase "non-existant reader", then you know that i have these moments on a regular basis (usually in conjunction with a fair amount of sleep-deprivation), where i seem to tap into the universe's mainline and i feel a connection to everything around me.

well, it's one of those days, and were god or allah or vishnu themselves to pop down and ask me what superpower i would want, in this very instant, i want the ability to heal.

yes, to heal. (cue the fucking tears that always seem to come along with the way i feel today, my droogs and patient friends) the ability to heal wounds of all kinds. i want to fix everything today. i wish i had the ability to run out and grant the homeless guy a job. the ability to repair cars with a wave of my hand. the ability to make the cast-off and forgotten of the world feel loved. to heal knees (i would start with my own). the ability to throw out demons and illnesses. the ability to make worries and cares disappear. the ability wipe away racial tensions, third-world debt, and war.

all typed out there, it appears as if i have one hell of a christ complex, o beloved and surely tired non-existant reader. undoubtedly, you are sitting there rubbing your forehead, thinking, "this fucking darth, god, he wears me out sometimes with this shit."

but it's not that i want to be a hero, it's just that i seem to feel other's pain more keenly on days like today. and while i might dream of being able to run willy nilly through the streets fixing everyone's problems, i realize that a) this is impossible, and b) it wouldn't really fix anything, because being able to wave my hand and fix cars would put mechanics out of a job, which i would then have to recreate, and healing other's hurts would make the doctors find some other form of self-expression. and honestly, who's to say that the homeless guy isn't really better off right where he is, for his own and others' good?

so, i'll calm the fuck down, and sit back, and sip my coffee, and try to do what i always do, lend what help i can in my everyday life. and i fantasize that this little corner of cyberspace will engender similar feelings in others, and in some small and nearly ineffectual way i will make a change in others' lives. i also fantasize that some big publishing guru stumbles across this site and takes a shine to my dumb ramblings and sets me up with a sweet writing contract. but, hey...

turns out, lolo is hawaiian for crazy. and so there ya go.

darth sardonic