Wednesday, May 20, 2009

on burnt bridges and sailed ships

i don't know what they are expecting after nearly 15 years, in some cases 20.

facebook has afforded an opportunity to many people with whom i have lost contact a second chance to catch up on what is going on in my life.

but ofttimes, they have a preconceived notion of what they will find.

they think they will find the same skinny, gawky bespectacled kid who attended church every sunday faithfully and never stepped out of line. the kid who was always polite, did his homework, who made his parents proud. the kid who was a budding pillar of the community, always pleasant to be around, a shining example of what is still good about the youth today. the oppressed, lying, angry, sniveling, unhappy, two-faced, depressed, deranged, back-stabbing, whiny little cunt who hated himself and wanted to die on a near-daily basis.

someone, they imagine, who will still have something other than decades-old memories in common with them.

i am, in this case, proud to disappoint.

in so many ways (the important ones), i am the same person. i still try to be nice. i still try to be an example of what is good about the youth today; maybe not always in the way the world thinks, but in the ways that actually matter. i am still bespectacled more often than not.

and with a great many of my recently-rediscovered old friends, they are pleasantly surprised to find i am not the same rather dull person i was so many years ago. and we immediately commence building a new friendship upon the foundation of the old.

in so many other ways, i am nothing at all like the kid they remember. and it is shocking, perhaps, to seek out my facebook friendship with an idea based on the me of twenty years ago, and discover that my current status post says: "darth sardonic is as cute as chainsaws and battery acid" just a few days after my status post was "darth sardonic is der unk. nuff said." perhaps they imagine all kinds of evil debauchery and wicked goings-on occuring in the wreckage of my life as i spiral ever downwards into the depths of hell.

but that isn't my problem. assume what they will, because i am not the one with the issue. and frankly, my beloved non-existent readers, my droogs and only friends, o thou steady and on-going malchiks and ptitsas what stop by here on a semi-regular basis to peruse my insane ramblings, i could give a walloping fat flying fuck whether they think i have my shit together, or whether or not they think i am heading to the fiery hot place in a wicker baked-goods receptacle, or whether they think that i am a drunk and a bastard.

because i am happy as is.

and they fucking looked me up, and sought my friendship. not the other way around.

darth sardonic

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Blogger No Recess said...

I got something different out of it the second time I read it. Nice.

4:19 AM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

lol ty no recess

6:42 AM  
Blogger wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

You can always de-friend them. I've made contact with quite a few old friends and acquaintances as well on FB. Only it's been more like 20, 30 years. Everyone changes, even when they think they're standing still.

6:45 AM  
Blogger Sandrine said...

Can't wait to hear about the high school reunion when you show them your tatoo! ;0)
I found recently on facebook my best girl friend from when I was 10 (which was when they invented electricity).I have to say I don't really have expectations,I'm just happy I found her.I hope she's like me but I think with getting older, I have come to term with people's acceptance.Either they take me like I am or they don't.I don't really have time to worry about it anymore with the million kids I have!
Take care.

8:43 AM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

nah, wuastc, i am too lazy to de-friend them. and they just occasionally make comments on my status posts that annoy me. just a personal pet peeve.

yes, sandrine, i find that the good friends i have found out-weigh the occasional aggravation i get from some people who think i should be living my life differently.

11:59 AM  
Blogger Sparx said...

Wow, I've not had any contact from school friends yet; can't imagine what that must be like. Odd, I'd say...

3:23 PM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

lol sparx, odd is definitely the word

10:24 AM  
Blogger Lara said...

contact with school friends, hmm ...

Hey, D, what's the latest on your (first) book? I hope I didn't miss its debut!

10:16 PM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

was just going to post on that lara

4:06 AM  
Blogger Blogget Jones said...

Facebook has been so weird for me.... People request me, and I don't remember them! Oops. It's not like I was Miss Popular in high school. Always was the weird kid....

Now, people from work find me there, too. It's doing this odd straddling my life thing. Interesting!

:o) BJ

11:57 AM  

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