Wednesday, May 17, 2006

a life of near-misses

maybe i am the only one who feels this way, but sometimes i feel like i have strayed here from some other plane. i feel like i don't belong. like none of this makes any sense whatsoever, and i'm just fumbling around trying to find meaning in something that is as random as tv static.

and life slips into a routine that appears important and all-encompassing at the time, but if i were to step away from it for a moment, little if any of it really seems to matter.

and i step back further, and suddenly, everyone else around me has the same hangdog, shambling expression that i feel my face carries. we're all strayed here from parts unknown, attempting to make ourselves feel important as we gaze out on a vast ocean of stars, bouncing like tiny pinballs from thing to thing that we have convinced ourselves matter, are important. a whole planet of people willing to wage wars over disagreements, over a difference of opinion.

and i feel like my whole life has been walking into a store, having finally saved up the money to buy something i really wanted, only to find that someone bought it ten minutes before i walked into the store. and i can rage and cry and piss and moan, and shake my fist at the sky, but ultimately, no one gives a fuck.

and we're all waiting for our ships to come in. what if there is no ship? what if you cannot expect any more than what you have right now? maybe we should just quit looking. maybe we should accept the lot we've been given, and quit fighting against every thing we don't like. maybe we should quit hoping for more.

darth sardonic


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