Thursday, December 06, 2007

a proposal

why am i here? i thought, staring at the light in front of me.

now, as much as i would like to pretend that this was the beginning of some huge interpersonal existential debate, the truth is, i was stuck at a red light. by myself. with no one else coming. twice.

so here is my proposal. no doubt we have all found ourselves with time that we feel has been violently taken away from us for reasons beyond our ken.

what if we had a voucher? something that would give us back the time of which we were robbed?

when the angel of death, or whatever harbinger of the impending doom that you, o beloved and bemused non-existant readers, happen to believe in, comes a-calling, you would simply hand it your voucher:

"err, what's this, then? hmmm, let me see. ah. so, if i do my math correctly... carry the two... yes, well, i guess i will be back in about a year and three days, 14 hours, 26 minutes."

so all the time i have spent sitting at red lights by myself (and there have been many--the most heinous of which was at 4:30 a.m. the morning of my first son's birth, with my wife kicking the dash and screaming "run it! just run it!" and me trying to remember how many margaritas i had had the night before whilst simultaneously trying to figure out where the cop is hidden), half the stories my mom tells me about relatives dead before i was born, freddy got fingered and the legally blonde travesties, high school assemblies where motivational speakers ("...and i live in a van down by the river") attempted to make us feel better about our shitty little existances, holiday dinners with relatives you can't stand, the time spent reading this blog, in fact, any time you have ever thought now that's fifteen minutes of my life i will never get back, all that would be returned to you at the time that death comes to take you away.

we need to get someone to work on this right away.

darth sardonic

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12 Comments:

Blogger Krissie said...

I want the time I spent on watching "Elizabethtown" back.

9:55 AM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

lol krissie, done

10:20 AM  
Blogger wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

What a great idea. I want back all the time I lay awake at night worrying about stupid shit. Like right now.

5:17 PM  
Blogger zirelda said...

Only one thing I couldn't deal with. When I turned in my voucher I would know exactly how much time I'd have left. I don't want to know so I would have to have the knowing part scrubbed.

7:23 PM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

wuastc-i think we could do that.

z, i guess if you didn't want to know, we'd arrange that as well.

7:18 AM  
Blogger Blogget Jones said...

I think I could get a whole other lifetime from the time spent at the DMV. And all the time wasted by stupid students who look in the window of my office, open the door, walk in, look around what's obviously a single office and say, "Is this where the mailboxes are?" Yes, sweetheart, look for the little door with the white rabbit.... Or all the time wasted by my son, when his iPod is stuck in his ears, and he looks back at my inquiring face and says just, "Huh?"

Great idea, Darth....I'm lovin' it!

7:38 AM  
Blogger Pixie said...

I wanted to put in a pithy and smart response to this. But all I can see is the nasty stuff, and I don't want to even think about it.

BTW hows your tat?
pxx

11:27 AM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

lol blogget, that is the spirit!

pixie, sorry it only makes you think of bad stuff. i did forget to mention i wanted the three and a half years of my first marriage back in the post. i should have a pic of my tat this weekend, and posted not long after hopefully.

3:03 PM  
Blogger Krissie said...

You were married before??!

3:18 PM  
Blogger Belle said...

Great idea. But then what?

3:24 PM  
Blogger Krissie said...

And sorry if it sounded judgmental. It's not supposed to. It's just that you and your wife seem like a match made in heaven, I kinda thought you were...
I'm making no sense. Ignore me.

3:24 PM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

krissie, i was indeed married before. and it didn't sound judgemental. my wife and i call it my practice marriage.

belle, and then whatever the fuck you wanted lol.

11:21 PM  

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