Friday, March 07, 2008

my oldest is a little intense...

no. 1 gets off the bus yesterday after school, and begins right in:

no. 1: "a is coming over to play."

me: "who's a?"

no. 1: "she is coming over to play, can you call her?"

me: "i don't know who a is, and i don't have her number, and i have never met her parents and they have never met me, how is it you think she is coming over to play?"

no. 1: "a is coming over to play. can she come over to play? can you call her parents?"

me: "no, for the love of christ! i don't have her number, which means i cannot call. and since i have never met her, her parents, and they haven't met me; it seems unlikely they will let her come over here in the first fucking place."

no. 1: "can i play video games? i need to play video games...."

this morning, i meet a. she is one of the other kindergarteners on no. 1's bus. as it turns out, i have met her mom. we had a brief conversation on the first day i took no. 1 to the bus stop that went something like this:

mom: "hi, did you guys just move here?"

head: no, i have always been here, even before you, it was just that i used to be invisible until the joker tricked me and lex luthor shot a lump of kryptonite up my bum and ever since then everyone has been able to see me. of course i just move here, for fuck's sake!

me: "yes, just got here a day or two ago."

mom: "where did you come from?"

me: "washington."

mom: makes face like she has smelled icky poo and says: "eeeeewwww!!"

me: "not really, i am from there."

mom: "eeeeeewwww!! wait, dc, or state?"

head: if i was from fucking dc i woulda said maryland, virginia, or dc, not fucking washington, god how i hate that as soon as i say washington everyone assumes that it is that tiny little fucking scrap of a shithole (most commonly referred to as our nation's capital) and not that huge fucking state full of apples and evergreen trees and mountains with snow on year-round and cool people and fucking microsoft and starbucks that occupies the whole fucking northwest corner of the country in which we live!

me: "state."

mom: "eeeeeeeeeewwwww!!!!"

and because i felt my grade level dropping rapidly, i declined to offer anymore information or views.

back to today.

no. 1: "this is a, daddy. now you have met her. can she come over today?"

a: stands there with a mildly perplexed look on her face.

me: "i dunno, buddy, i mean, that is up to whether she has things going on after school or what her mom says."

no. 1: "your mom says it's ok, right? you don't have anything going on?"

a: "well, i kinda--"

no. 1: "she can come over, daddy. we can play."

no. 1: more or less drags a by an elbow a little way away from me.

no. 1: "do you have video games? i like to play one called [annoying game with men in giant robot suits that beat fuck out of each other in a mind-numbingly and not very clever way]. do you have that one? it is my favorite. do you have games?"

a: "we err umm."

no. 1: "we can play video games. i love video games. we can play video games at your house or my house. daddy, can she come over?"

me: "ummm."

no. 1: "you can come over, and we can play [robotic penis compensators] and you can play too. my daddy says it's ok."

a: "well i aaahh."

no. 1: "video games are so fun."

a: looks like she is contemplating chewing her own arm off and bolting.

i take consolation in one thing: he won't date until he is like, 20.

if then.

darth sardonic

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Blogger Krissie said...

I'd say he's... determined.
And he may have had a little too much sugar that day.

8:19 AM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

lol krissie, something, that is for sure

11:05 AM  
Blogger zirelda said...

OMG that is just flat out hilarious.

7:05 AM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

ty z, glad to make you laugh

7:53 AM  

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