Wednesday, July 09, 2008

i hope...

o my beloved, empassioned, patient non-existant readers, i am tired, and in a weird mood.

this is not the post i wanted to post, but this is the post you get; because sometimes i don't get to choose:

i hope my kids will forgive me. i hope my kids will still love me when i am 99. i hope they will look back on the happy times and laugh, and forget about the not-so-happy times. i hope there will be so many happy times that this will be easy for them. i hope that when we need to cry, we will cry together rather than seperately. i hope that as i lay on my death bed (and i hope to god it is a death bed, with this kind of time!) i will be surrounded by my family, and we will laugh through the tears as is the sardonic way, and has been for generations. i hope they will ask me whatever questions they have on their mind for as long as they have me to answer. i hope i will answer them as truthfully as humanly possible. i hope none of them will feel alienated from the family by me or anyone else. i hope i am the dad i wish i was, at least 60% of the time.

i hope persepolis will crack my ass up, because right now i am fucking bawling my eyes out.

darth sardonic

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Blogger Krissie said...

Oh honey! I am positive you're doing the best job you possibly can and then some. And I'm positive it's enough.

4:58 PM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

ty krissie, you're sweet. and did you say "positive" twice in one paragraph? lol. ty, a movie preview i saw last night just had me making wishes for the future. i am better-rested today so...

2:19 AM  
Blogger Krissie said...

I did and was that wrong?!
Glad to hear you're feeling better, man.

8:22 AM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

nope nothing wrong with that whatsoever. and ty.

8:51 AM  
Blogger jenny said...

I just had one of those moments myself today. After I screamed at the girls to get out of the kitchen. Bad mama!

Then I hid in my room and bawled my eyes out. I felt even more like a crud when my oldest walked in and asked me what was wrong.

I HOPE they remember the good stuff and not the screaming mama moments.

8:53 PM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

exactly jenny. what's funny is i hadn't even done anything that night, it was just one of those things that drops on me, and i was just tired enough to need to get it out.

2:13 AM  
Blogger zirelda said...

funny what exhaustion and stupid feel good movies do to a body...

You're a good dad. Count on it.

10:22 AM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

ty z, in this particular case it is not concern over whether i am a good dad or not, it is concern over whether or not my kids will realize it later.

3:19 PM  

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