i hope...
o my beloved, empassioned, patient non-existant readers, i am tired, and in a weird mood.
this is not the post i wanted to post, but this is the post you get; because sometimes i don't get to choose:
i hope my kids will forgive me. i hope my kids will still love me when i am 99. i hope they will look back on the happy times and laugh, and forget about the not-so-happy times. i hope there will be so many happy times that this will be easy for them. i hope that when we need to cry, we will cry together rather than seperately. i hope that as i lay on my death bed (and i hope to god it is a death bed, with this kind of time!) i will be surrounded by my family, and we will laugh through the tears as is the sardonic way, and has been for generations. i hope they will ask me whatever questions they have on their mind for as long as they have me to answer. i hope i will answer them as truthfully as humanly possible. i hope none of them will feel alienated from the family by me or anyone else. i hope i am the dad i wish i was, at least 60% of the time.
i hope persepolis will crack my ass up, because right now i am fucking bawling my eyes out.
darth sardonic
this is not the post i wanted to post, but this is the post you get; because sometimes i don't get to choose:
i hope my kids will forgive me. i hope my kids will still love me when i am 99. i hope they will look back on the happy times and laugh, and forget about the not-so-happy times. i hope there will be so many happy times that this will be easy for them. i hope that when we need to cry, we will cry together rather than seperately. i hope that as i lay on my death bed (and i hope to god it is a death bed, with this kind of time!) i will be surrounded by my family, and we will laugh through the tears as is the sardonic way, and has been for generations. i hope they will ask me whatever questions they have on their mind for as long as they have me to answer. i hope i will answer them as truthfully as humanly possible. i hope none of them will feel alienated from the family by me or anyone else. i hope i am the dad i wish i was, at least 60% of the time.
i hope persepolis will crack my ass up, because right now i am fucking bawling my eyes out.
darth sardonic
Labels: bawlbaby, family dynamics, fuck you i will not go quietly into the night, morose
posted by darth sardonic at 4:07 PM
8 Comments:
Oh honey! I am positive you're doing the best job you possibly can and then some. And I'm positive it's enough.
ty krissie, you're sweet. and did you say "positive" twice in one paragraph? lol. ty, a movie preview i saw last night just had me making wishes for the future. i am better-rested today so...
I did and was that wrong?!
Glad to hear you're feeling better, man.
nope nothing wrong with that whatsoever. and ty.
I just had one of those moments myself today. After I screamed at the girls to get out of the kitchen. Bad mama!
Then I hid in my room and bawled my eyes out. I felt even more like a crud when my oldest walked in and asked me what was wrong.
I HOPE they remember the good stuff and not the screaming mama moments.
exactly jenny. what's funny is i hadn't even done anything that night, it was just one of those things that drops on me, and i was just tired enough to need to get it out.
funny what exhaustion and stupid feel good movies do to a body...
You're a good dad. Count on it.
ty z, in this particular case it is not concern over whether i am a good dad or not, it is concern over whether or not my kids will realize it later.
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