Monday, December 15, 2008

so much to tell...

i have an oddly out-of-place desire to cry.

the month of december is busy. busy with so many comings and goings and battles between the things i want to do and the things i have to do.

rest in peace, bettie page.

my wife and i were discussing her death, and it occured to me that so many of my personal icons have passed in the very course of my own life: salvador dali, allen ginsburg, kurt cobain, george carlin, johnny carson, william s. burroughs, joey ramone, and now bettie page.

not only did she open up a new dimension through her erotic pictures, but she did it with a certain naivete that makes her stand out from all the other pin-up girls of the time. and even later in life, when she became a devout christian, and left the life of posing for kinky photos behind, she never felt bad for that aspect and time in her life.

my guitarist, s, is getting out of the air force, and going to kuwait as a contractor for a year. he leaves in a couple weeks. so we got the band together in my garage (my drumset is, for all intents and purposes, now complete) and spent hours jamming, the music flowing out of us and molding and melding and intertwining like some magical incantation. my wife later said she thought it was wonderful how one of us could start off with something and the rest would just join in and for the next five minutes or so we would create something so true and real and amazing. s is easily the most talented guitarist i have ever had the privilege of jamming with. and he is leaving. not only is he leaving, he is probably moving to arizona after he gets back to the states.

we stayed up to the wee hours drinking and laughing and talking about chuck palahniuk, david lynch, salvador dali, story ideas we have both had, music, life.

lord knows, i am going to miss him terribly. and while we will still have a band, i just don't think it is going to be quite the same.

i go in tomorrow to get surgery on my ear. i am sure all will go well and i will be able to hear just fine.

a few minutes ago, all the cove members were out trimming the fronds of the palm trees in our yard, while i was on the phone with jdot rdot who is going through some shit and needed a listening ear. i am surrounded by good friends and family, people for whom i have so much love, and who, strangely enough, reciprocate.

i am off soon to pick my mom up at the airport, and the holidays promise to be a beautiful and wonderful and spirited time.

and yet i just can't seem to shake this feeling of melancholy...

darth sardonic

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Blogger Fire Byrd said...

It's odd isn't it that in the middle of all this jollity that sadness can overwhelm, when least expected.
Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year..... I know that's not PC for an American cause you have to talk about holidays, but hey I only visit!
Hope surgery goes well.
Hugs xx

8:34 AM  
Blogger wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

I think that's what Christmas is all about. I was in the restroom of a restaurant today when an older lady came in, dabbing at her eyes. I thought she had something in her eye but she said no. She was sad because her husband had died six years ago and her 3-year-old grandson had turned to her daughter and said, "You don't have a daddy, do you?" It's a time we remember those who are no longer with us and times we no longer share.

11:43 AM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

byrd-it is odd, but normal i guess. i take any well-wishes and don't get offended, but christmas is my holiday. surgery went fine, though i am swollen and sore and draining today. ty.

wuastc-definitely, i think that is it exactly. and having recently found old friends, i believe that has opened me back up to xmases i have forgotten.

4:20 AM  

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