Wednesday, July 08, 2009

You just keep me hanging on...

there are moments, o my beloveds, my tried and trues, my droogs and only friends, o thou faithful who keep stumbling back to this sodden, neglected little spitwad on the world wide web; when the wife is in l.a. for work, and the content of gin and dry vermouth in my blood is overshadowed by the ability of the extra cocktail onion to absorb it; when mark renton is dying on the screen to the dulcet strains of the velvet underground's "perfect day"; there are moments, o my beloved non-existent readers, when i aproximate what might be a rock bottom, and the tears swell, and in this moment of anguish and emptiness i free myself from the shackles of the cares of the day, and i put myself in god's hands, and my eyes open up like broken faucets and all the demons poor out of me like a wash of the soul in a backyard tub, and i am pinned to a line to dry in the sun.

i wish only the best and most beautiful for all of you out there.

oh, and better news and laughter tomorrow, my friends, si o si, come hell or high water.

darth sardonic

* the doorbell rings.

"shit, fuck." i curse, palming the tears out of my sockets with the heels of my hands, encouraging my face into a facsimile of something that belies a bawling, woe-is-me session seated lonely in front of the computer.

i believe in god, o my beloved non-existents. cause at 9 o'clock at night on a wednesday, in the dark, there on my porch, are some friends i haven't talked to nearly all summer.

and cause god knows i am a stupid cunt, and won't reach a hand out to pull myself out of my funk.

so he drops the perfect distraction on me at the very fucking
instant i needed it. and now, instead of trainspotting, i find myself watching fanboys and every trace of that "rock bottom" i was empathetically touching a moment ago is all gone, and renton has gone off to die on someone else's tv for the evening, and i can honestly text back to my wonderful wife:

"yeah baby i am ok actually"

and you were here with me the whole time.


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Blogger Sandrine said...

Hi Darth,
Wish you and your family the best too.
Take care.

5:33 AM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

ty sandrine, you too

8:11 AM  
Blogger DJ Kirkby said...

Very cool post actually....x

12:30 PM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

ty dj appreciate it

3:29 PM  
Blogger Sparx said...

Heya - man I have been there in years gone past; hooray for the distractions of friends.

2:16 PM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

lol sparx indeed, indeed.

5:36 AM  
Blogger lady macleod said...

The Universe obviously has need of you my friend, and you can't get a more clear message of that than a 'rescue mission' coming at you out of the night. Sometimes all it takes is putting one foot in front of the other, even on a trail of tears, and then someone reaches out a hand to pull you onto the next section of the Path. It happens. Life is worth continuing if for no other reason than that surprise around the corner you never saw coming...

Keep your powder dry and keep creating a place for that next moment of bliss.

Sending you a turn of the prayer wheel..

6:06 AM  
Blogger darth sardonic said...

ty m'lady. and yeah, you more or less summed up my philosophy of life

5:25 AM  

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