...the music/That saves you/When you're not so sure you'll survive...

because i have been laid off (by certified mail no less--fucking cowards!) i am assured that when i am not in classes myself, and my children are not in school, i am (over)exposed to alot of disney channel.

mostly, i let it flow into one ear and out the other. now walt n his clan like to intersperse the kids' shows with bits of rock video, usually cranked out by some preteen talentless hack (i. e. the jonas brothers) that wouldn't be anything more than a lame-ass prom band if it wasn't for the powers that be at disney in the first fucking place. i make snide comments and tell my kids not to expect me to buy them limitless brand-spanking new gibsons in every color of the rainbow.

but yesterday. yesterday i am barely paying attention and look over to launch a smartass verbal arrow at the tv when i am frozen, riveted in place with my eyes melded with the screen: this is no disney-backed tween band ripping off popular pop-punk to jump around the stage to; these guys are real.

the lead singer looks like what i imagine mr. rogers must've looked like when he was about 21, emphatically and wide-mouthedly emoting his lyrics into the mic as he wails on a baldwin in a tuneful yet punky way i have only seen one other time (ben folds five) while the rest of the band backs him up beautifully. and the words have me hooked. (don't worry, i'll post em!)

but i only get about 30 seconds of this. i need more. they flash the name of the band (jack's mannequin) and the song (swim) across the bottom of the screen and i am already typing "youtube" into the google bar.

the song (and video) are amazing (yes i'll wait while all you beloved non-existents run and watch it--i was gonna recommend you do anyhow) and i am even getting a little choked up.

i do what i always do when i feel immediately connected to a song; i listen to other songs by the band. they're pretty good. but i click on a video on youtube that actually turned out to be a news-style bit.

and the song became even more important to me.

because that skinny little lead singer/piano player with his side-part and vintage button-up shirt nearly died from leukemia after jack's mannequin cranked out their first album. matter of fact, he was so sick the band couldn't even do interviews to support the new album let alone tour.

so he battled cancer. had a stem-cell replacement (which sounds all kindsa creepy and scary and extremely fucking painful to me), and went through chemo (which i know for a fact is creepy and scary and extremely fucking painful) and survived.

survived. fucking survived, o my beloved non-existent readers. survived and wrote this song. apparently survived with enough energy to melodically abuse his grand piano while hollering out his heartfelt little gift to the world.

i watched the video over and over again. and cried. of course i bawled my eyes out, you all know i did, o my droogs n only friends, cause hopefully you've been hanging around this e coli hotdog stand in the world wide web long enough to know that this song split me like these sorts of songs do and opened me up to the beauty and strength and power and the vastness of the universe and our oh-so important place in it.

thanks for playing along, and if you haven't checked out the video on youtube yet, do, please. it really is amazing.

the lyrics to follow.

darth sardonic

"Swim"

You've gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music
That saves you
When you're not so sure you'll survive
You gotta swim
And swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far
To fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim to brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Through nights that won't end
Swim for your families
Your lovers your sisters
And brothers and friends
Yeah you've gotta swim
Through wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed as a flaw

The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking me open now
I swim for brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
Well I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's no shame in drifting
Feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark
Yeah you've gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim, swim
Just keep your head above
Swim