Thursday, April 14, 2005

annoying habits

we all have annoying habits. everyone. and when you get into a serious relationship with someone, they come out in a glaring fashion. (and to my wife, this blog is intended to be lighthearted fun. i am not saying anything here that i haven't teased you about before on numerous occasions.)

a couple of my weirder ones that annoy my wife are: first off, i gnaw on my nails. yes, gnaw. i don't bite them, or chew them. these would entail using both sets of teeth, and ending up with bits of fingernail inside the confines of my mouth. i gnaw them. i place the edge of a fingernail against the edge of an upper tooth, and grind them back and forth against each other. i don't know why, i just do. whenever i am tired, my nails have gotten a little long (long being a relative term. i chop mine off to the cuticle on an almost weekly basis, so my "long" would be where most men probably cut theirs to.), or when i am nervous, apparently for hours on end if no one calls my attention to it. and this drives my wife nuts.

i also "twiddle" the silky lining of coats or blankets between my fingers, or rub them under my nose (if it's dark and i think no one is around). i was a long-time thumb-sucker, and used to rub the silky edging on blankets under my nose and between my fingers. and apparently, given the right blanket edge or coat lining, will still do it. again, drives my wife nuts. she can actually hear me rubbing the silky under my nose in our bedroom in the dark! man, does she have issues!! just kidding.

yes, i am insane. no, i am not taking anything for it.

apparently, i am also a granny driver. my wife and my friends are always saying "you can go. you can still go." but what's funny about that is the instant i get fed up with their whining and gun through on a yellow or enter a thoroughfare almost cutting someone off, they fucking freak out! make up your goddamn minds, for fuck's sake! you want granny driving, or you want me to drive like you? crazy people.

no. 1, just today, pulled one of his favorite annoying habits. he has a thomas the tank engine insert with all the thomas toys that are available for purchase that he stares at for hours, no doubt dreaming about the day when he will own them all (i used to do the same thing as a kid--only i "bounced" while doing it. bouncing is rocking back and forth while seated in a piece of furniture that doesn't rock, i.e. the couch. bouncing cause that's what your head does against the back of said piece of furniture. also with the silky jammed up under my nose and my thumb in my mouth--yes, as it turns out i have a ton of annoying habits, and they are all weird! i'll book my appointment with a psychiatrist just as soon as i am done with this blog. now, shut up.). he handles this little glossy so much that it tears where the folds are. so it got a little tear, and he says, "uh oh. brokeen. it'sa brokeen." i look, and say, "it's alright, i'll fix it, just don't pull on the tear." he turns around, and riiiiiip, splits the glossy right down the middle by doing exactly the thing i had just told him not to do! you know the "don't touch" thing we used to do in grade school, where you'd only touch something you had just been told not to touch? no. 1 does it now. he started doing it at two.

my wife likes to wear an article of clothing for a couple hours (she's in uniform most days, so she usually only wears an outfit for a couple hours), and then save it for the next time cause it's not dirty. i understand, i usually wear the same pair of jeans two days, unless i've been to a bar (smokey) or peed or pooped or puked on by one of the kids. the difference is, i wear a pair of jeans, at night i take it off, and lay it on the floor (we keep our floors clean), and the next day i put it back on. my wife wears an outfit for a couple hours, puts it on the floor, gets a different outfit the next day, and puts that on the floor with the other, then gets a different outfit the next day, and so on and so forth, until i decide that the dust has piled up on the clothes enough to now constitute dirty clothes and throw the big pile in the wash. this is a constant battle with my wife, and i tease her about it and she says, "well, i am trying to save you laundry." no, you would be if you actually wore the "clean" outfit again.

so, you see? we all have annoying habits. they all get on other's nerves. and i defy any of you to present me with weirder ones than my "nail gnawing" "silky fetish" or "bouncing" habits.


darth sardonic


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