Wednesday, August 17, 2005

live live with your wind wind

the english language is an intrinsically fucked-up language. take the word "live". what am i talking about? "live" as in what we do on a day-to-day basis by respiration and the consumption of proteins and carbohydrates, or "live" as in opposed to pre-recorded?

i had a teacher who said he saw a sign selling "wind winds". he couldn't wrap his head around what the fuck they were selling until he saw one. a thingy that twists in the breeze, or "wind" (as in the movement of air currents across terra firma) "wind" (the verb used to describe the wrapping of twine, yarn, whatever, around a central core).

recently, my mom sent me a forward about the word "up". boy, does this word get misused, overused, and abused. why do we say something is "used up"? when we replace a used-up item, we don't "use it down". the question, "what are you up to?" think about it. detach yourself from a life-time of english usage and look at that sentence.

and that one brings me to "to" "too" and "two", as well as "there" "they're" and "their". or "when" (what time) and "wen" (a lumpy thingy on your eyelid). just to name a few. (actually, i didn't name them, really)

some phrases and the actual pictures they conjure, for me. "i'm just chillin" (i see my buddy trying to cram himself into a fridge). "the president danced around the issue" (who was his partner, was it his wife, or one of those instructors they paired with celebs on that recent reality tv show?) "quit beating around the bush" (what fucking bush?) "have you seen my shoes" (what, ever? or more recently?) "can you give me a hand?" (no, i only have two, and i need them both, and since i am a stay-home dad, i think if i ever found an extra one hanging around (picture of a hand with a rope tied around it dangling from tree), i would keep it. might come in handy (holy shit, i'm almost short-circuiting here!) (short circuit is another--i have wired some of my guitars myself, and in at least one, a few of the wires are a mere half-inch long. but they still work. er? eh?)) you get the picture. (right? cause i sent it off weeks ago, should've arrived by now.)

"tomb" and "comb" ( i know this is a gallagher joke, but he's right--or left, or rather, he's probably where he is at any given moment, oh, fuck it--he's correct).

the verb "to be" does not get conjugated in any way similar to the word "be": i am, we are, you are, they are, he/she/it is. how do we go from "be" to "am/are/is"? maybe in the past tense: i was, you were, they were, he/she/it was. now i'm even more confused. because in the present, i had my own conjugation, but in the past i'm lumped in with almost everyone else. let's try a different verb, shall we? to have: i have, you have, they have, he/she/it has. wow, we almost made that insanely easy, then at the very end we had to go and fuck it up.

and the word "fuck" itself. my buddy s says it's funny that an acronym (For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge) could become offensive. stay tuned (even though this is not really a tv or radio, you know, but just to turn a phrase (turn it where, i wonder? shouldn't it just keep going the direction it was headed in originally? where was i? oh yes, sitting right in front (or more correctly, directly in front) of my keyboard the whole time. and don't even get me started on what "keyboard" implies)), when the word nasa is banned by the fcc, followed by the word fcc being banned by the , oh, er, well then. but don't fall in. to the well i mean. er, it's not that i am mean, i just was saying, that is, what i wanted to convey to you, is not that i am a mean person, nor that you as the reader are a mean person, but i mean to say, oh bugger it, i give up!

and there you have it. oh, well, (damn! there's that well again), rather, you don't have it per se, that is, you should get it now (cause i did send it off weeks ago.)


darth sardonic


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