Thursday, June 15, 2006

my life is brilliant

i am sitting here laughing at myself cause i am listening to a song, crying, trying to block out the boys as they fight over something stupid, and wondering about tennis players.

yes, my patient and o so long-suffering droogs and nonexistant readers, we are on the upswing of darth's emotional rollercoaster.

my life is brilliant, o my brothers. even when i leave posts that make you wonder about my intentions for myself, my life is still brilliant. and furthermore, when i am posting in here about how badly it sucks, or how sad or mad or confused or lost or whatever my life feels at that very moment, i know my life is brilliant. and i know that i am only in a funk that i will overcome as i always do, and things will settle back down.

i've got a wonderful, gorgeous, patient, and funny wife. who else can look at me with "that look" and say to me, deadpan, "funnier in your head?" no matter what we deal with, we deal with it together. due to work schedules, we don't get to see much of each other, but the times we are count for so much. i love you baby.

i've got the two most precious and unique and insanely fucking cute little boys, who can even crack me up when i am mid full-volume tirade. to wake up to them smiling and saying, "hello, daddy, how are you today?" is one of my greatest joys to complain about. haha. they have both currently decided to run outside and play in their pajama tops sans pants. i've no clue where they get the penchant for running around half-naked. i will have to corral them and probably give them a bath, and get them dressed. and you know what, that is beautiful. that seemingly silly little moment is grand in it's simplicity.

i can always count on my mom to be understanding, no matter what i come to her with. and she will always be the first to try and offer help, even when i'm not asking. she has stood by me through so much, some of which she didn't understand.

if i seperate the good and bad, my dad was fucking cool. and to avoid laying a club to that deceased equine, i'll leave the rest of those thoughts for my own enjoyment. but suffice to say, i think those issues are beginning to fade.

i'm surrounded by good friends and close family. the kind who will rally around the forces. the kind that i can count on for an ear, advice. the kind who will tell me i am being an asshole when i am, but who will also let me know if i had good reason. the kind who would jump into a pit to thump the big fucker with the mohawk who knocked my ass down, figuratively, of course.

i am filled and encompassed with love. when i look around me, i am buoyed up by smiling faces, and there's a smile on mine too. the other day, while i was in the funk, i had a moment and thought, "there's no clarence the loser-ass angel waiting to show me how fucked up everyone else's life would be without me. nobody would miss me if i was gone." and o my beloved nonexistant readers, and close friends, names of people who would definitely miss me if i was gone virtually flooded into my head.

ok, i can't see the keyboard for tears of joy and happiness and love, so i'm going to leave off being centered and fucking sappy here, and go wash up the boys and get their little nudist asses dressed.

and to everyone out there, i love you all, in one way or another.

darth sardonic


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