Thursday, July 19, 2007

woke up to my daily headache...

and the realization that you are gone

at the thrift store, no. 1 picked up a small (100 pieces) star wars puzzle. i got all excited, with visions of the three of us sitting around the table, bonding, spending time together, quality time.

when the kids finished their yogurts, they quickly cottoned to the fact that putting a puzzle together is not as exciting as one would hope, and begged off to play video games. i stuck with it with the puzzle, which was good, because they still ran in to check on the progress and spend a few seconds with me, and even placed a piece here and there.

so while it wasn't the domestic bliss i had imagined, it was still a bonding moment, and it was good for all involved, giving us each the pleasant time together that we needed to continue beating fuck out of each other the rest of the week.

it's been cloudy and rainy this week, and this has settled in to make us all quite a bit grumpy and sleepy. can't we just have 80 degree, sunny weather with just a hint of breeze? damn, either hot and humid or cool and humid.

received another dvd of the wife reading the boys stories. they loved it, and danced around excitedly. i smiled at their antics, and watched her read the stories and appear to interact, but it wasn't the gut-wrench that it was last time.

and that worries me. because, while i might be getting used to her being gone (it has been over two months--oh, but is now less than 50 days until she arrives again! yay!), i don't fucking want to be used to her being gone. i still want it to hurt, at least a little. i still want to long, and yearn, and pine for her, cause that is as it should be.

then a line in a song in the car yesterday set the front of the inside of my skull on fire, and i secretly breathed a sigh of relief as i beat back the tears.

the latest work on my tat is healed, now i just need someone i trust to take a photo, and then i will post it here.

no. 2 is finally showing steady progress in the potty training department. this is soooo wonderful. we have been getting relatively steady poops in the potty, and i am spending less on pull-ups. i am looking forward to being able to buy a packet of brand-new spiderman underwear, probably even more than no. 2.

darth sardonic

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Blogger jenny said...

I can relate-- I think I am more excited about buying Dora underwear than Middle is! Middle is showing an interest in her underwear, anyway, because she refuses to wear Oldest's hand-me-down undies. Off to the market we go!

7:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Every time you write about your wife like that, my heart hurts for you.

And yay for number 2's progress! We're tackling the business of nighttime pee control now. Wet sheets are much more of a hassle to wash than wet underwear. Yuck.

2:16 AM  
Blogger wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Why don't you buy the Spiderman underwear now as something No.2 can look forward to? Might speed things along. The mind has a way of helping us cope with pain, and that is why you're not feeling quite so bad about your wife being gone. The pain is still there but it's not as paralyzing because you have to get on with things. Hang in there. Only 50 more days.

4:51 AM  
Blogger Pixie said...

I can so identify with what your saying here Darth.

When I was married, my husband was in the navy and would be away for 6 months at a time.

The partings were agony, the middle was just getting on with the humdrum.

And the homecomings were fucking wonderful. And responsible for my sons!!

You can't hurt/miss your wife al the time, you would be a head case if it worked that way.

11:47 AM  
Blogger Mama Bear said...

<=Agreeing with Pixie on coping with your wife's absence. I was a military brat, and it was hard when my Dad was away. Wait, that was a complete rocked when he was away, but I can understand you not wanting to feel complacent about your wife being away.

My girl cub is three and while she pees in the toilet, she refuses to poop there. It's INFURIATING to say the least, especially when all offers of bribery, threats, and cajoling have failed miserably. She told me the other day that it's MY job to clean her poop and to get used to it. Yeah, tell me your troubles.

3:32 PM  

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