Tuesday, October 24, 2006


let me preface this by saying i am in that state of tired where this may or may not fall into the "funnier in my head" category.

but i am riding along in my car, and a commercial comes on for some kind of inventor's forum for getting their inventions patented etc.

they have some dippy say, "i like thinking about inventions." well, who the fuck doesn't, but that doesn't make you and inventor.

like i always think about eli whitney and the cotton gin. god, that is fucking cool. and the fact he named it a gin is badass. now, if it was eli whitney's cotton tangueray, then my head would just explode.

and how bout the first guy to look at a lobster and think, "i bet i could eat that." what a brave bastard that guy was. and did all his friends look at him and think, "look, billy's gone completely off his fucking nut, he's gonna cook up one of those pinchy, crawly things we caught in the net and eat it. with melted butter, for christ's sake!"

and the paper clip. beautiful in its simplicity, and yet insanely clever.

would've loved to have been around for the first time someone came up with gunpowder. not for all the trials necessarily, but when they finally got it right and didn't blow it up right after with careless behavior. but i mean, really, who looks at pigshit and says, "we could make something very useful out of this."? other than tina turner and angry anderson, of course.

and did these people come up with this shite on their own? i mean, some of my most clever ideas are really bastardizations of an idea someone else planted in my head alot of the time.

like, did eli have a hesher younger brother, say, shaggy whitney, who was puffin a blunt one day and said, "you know what would be coooooooool? if someone came up with a way to beat the fuck out of the cotton with, like, a machine or something, and seperate it that way. then so many more of the slaves could be used planting and harvesting, man. and, like, we could steal more land from the natives cause the landowners can plant so many more crops, dude."

just wondering.

darth sardonic


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