Friday, August 10, 2007

a bit of the randomness that swims around in my skull...

no one, and i do mean no one, should wear sweat pants with their shirts tucked into them.

some good advice afforded us by some of my favorite musicians:

Just some words of advice
Maybe you've heard them before but here goes
Just be true to yourself if it lands you in hell
Well, at least now you know

(alkaline trio, if you had a bad time)

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right.

(the ataris, in this diary)

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

(baz luhrmann, everybody's free (to wear sunscreen))

i can remember being a jabberjaw as a kid. i can remember my mom telling me to "shut up!" i can remember coming home completely covered in mud like the swamp thing. i can remember my parents' reactions. i try to apply this kid-memory to my grown-up-reaction and find some happy medium. this is hard.

i swore as a youngster that i would always listen to everything my kids said as if it was the most important thing to me. (this as a result of hearing alot of "mmmm hmmm" and "mmmmm" and "interesting" from my mother as i would talk incessantly at great length about some cartoon or movie or comic book that i thought was beyond interesting and which, no doubt, was about as much fun as watching mushrooms grow to everyone else.) fast forward to today:

no. 1: daddy daddy daddy look at thimbledubblerabbledrazzledroll...

me: mmmm hmmm

no. 2: daddy daddy daddy why he faddlewaddlegramppumpernickleslammawamma...?

me: mmmmm

nos. 1 & 2: daddy daddy daddy you gotta slartibartfastwacklydacklyrammalammadingdong...!

me: interesting

i have thought about changing my official title from "daddy" to something a little more difficult to utter, like, say "purveyor of food and drink to locust-like progeny, cleaner of messes, grumbler of epithets under breath" for the simple facts that the kids wouldn't be able to say it twenty times in a row rapidly and in a high-pitched grating voice that is like a sonic swarm of angry killer bees set free within my brainpan, followed by me saying a very exasperated
"wha-haaaat?!?" followed by, "ummm, i dunno." repeat over and over again until daddy eyes the bottle of gin longingly and licks lips.

the phrase "this is neither the time nor the place" is so cool that i think we should use it all the time. anytime someone wants to talk to you about something you don't feel like discussing: this is neither the time nor the place. have a coworker who annoys you and suddenly wants to discuss a project? this is neither the time nor the place. telemarketer? this is neither the time nor the place. family reunions? this is neither the time nor the place. not only is it an intrinsically cool line, but imagine the odd looks you would get damn near every time you said it. (i also seem completely incapable of using "near" in a sentence without "damn" in front of it. let me try again: but imagine the odd looks you would get damn n-- shit. they always told me if i swore it would take over my vocabulary. fuckers, i hate it when they are right.)

notes and replies to recent comments:

krissie, the movie actually does a great job of capturing the absurdist humor of the book, definitely see it.

lady macleod, i would be so honored to have you over for tea sometime. if you're ever in the area...

pixie, i just toss in random stuff that strikes me funny about life out of the blue because this blog is stream-of-concious like that. it is also perfectly acceptable to leave rant-comments at this site, i love it.

i will send over a package of adult diapers, sparx, to wear whilst reading my posts.

thanks for playing along.

darth sardonic

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Blogger Pixie said...

uuuuummmmm, sorry what was that you were saying?
did you say something, sorry ?
what did you want?
Oh did i tell you about my interesting life...... what da'yer'mean....
love 'n'stuff

5:03 AM  
Blogger zirelda said...

Too funny. My daughter talks from the moment she wakes to the moment she goes to sleep. I find myself using those very same replies.

However, I have found that at times I've agreed to things I didn't know I was agreeing to. Careful!

6:30 AM  
Blogger Krissie said...

Oh, you had me not only laughing out loud but reading out loud to my Englishly challenged sister (I know that's not a word!) even though it wasn't the time nor place. LMFAO!
And I plan to see it... some time. So many movies, so little time. *sigh*

8:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mommy mommy mommy mommy watch me watch, you're watching right, watch, see how I do this, watch okay?

Sure hon. (continues with the dishes or whatever)

Son performs hazzardous trick on his skateboard.

Son notices mommy didn't REALLY watch.

Mommy mommy mommy, you have too watch. You didn't. watch me okay.Mommy watch, watch, hey, look then, see...

Repeat ad nauseum.

12:01 PM  
Blogger jAMiE said...

I never got the feeling my mother ever listened to me... so funny, i enjoyed that, brought back some memories.

3:54 PM  

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