hindi transliteration

i love foreign languages that don't look anything like ours. i think arabic looks more like a painting than a language. but my favorite is cyrillic. that has nothing to do with anything at all.

and that is the way i like it.

lest we have forgotten (they say that "Don't know what you got till it's gone"), i would like to dedicate this line from a song to my wife, whom i love dearly (as we all know, as we have suffered for four tough months of hearing about little else, heh heh): If only I had one wish, I'd want a million trillion lifetimes/that I could spend with you.../Fall in love with you again and again.

goddamn, but i am a bawlbaby.

'tis the season, and every year round this time, this line pops into my head: So this is Xmas/And what have you done cause every year at this time, i reflect. on the year. on my life to date. on the world.

i still firmly believe that we need a fucking plague to thin us out quite a bit. is it just rosey memories, or were people more geared towards giving at this time of year when i was younger? seems like they are just in a fucking hurry and sod everyone else this time of year now. i hate going to the malls within two weeks of christmas because everyone is shoving and yelling and glowering and i just want to start throwing knees and elbows whilst humming my most angry mosh songs. and that is so far removed from the reason for the season.

but more importantly, what have you (me) (we) done the rest of the year? it is all fine n dandy that we are in a giving mood as the holidays approach, but what about in april, or on february third?

when did christmas become about stuff instead of people? i can assure you, the beloved non-existant reader, that the horrendous driving in lakewood has gotten exponentially worse as the holidays drew closer. because everyone is in a fucking hurry. because everyone thinks their issues are the only ones that matter. because jealousy and anger abound in a season that should be full of peace and giving. maybe it has always been that way, and i am just opening my eyes to it. i never was a big believer in "things were better in my day" because i think the shit has always been there, we just start noticing it more the older we get, but honestly, i am half tempted to say, "people didn't act that way when i was younger" (younger, hahaha, krissie says i always talk like i am 80 and could drop dead at any moment. some of my other friends say i have an "old soul." maybe that is why i talk that way, i don't know.)

whatever the case may be, o my beloved non-existant readers, i wish you and yours a very happy holidays. i say holidays simply because i know not everyone celebrates christmas. and that is good, and as it should be.

and with that, and fueled by a post at snuffleupagus' blog, and further fueled by some of the comments made by others at said post, begin rant: the beautiful thing about this dumb little marble in the "hungry hippo" game that is the universe is diversity. how beautiful to sit down with a national geographic and discover that people who look, act, dress, and behave completely differently than myself still all have the same basic feelings and needs and wants. someone with green skin (and i choose green simply because i don't want to pick any one specific ethnicity, o my beloveds) is not devoid of love, or avarice, or happiness, or anger. and that is a great thing. we are so different, yet all the same. and bad things happen when we either try to make everyone the same, or eschew the differences. how wonderful it is to sit down with close friends and discuss such things as the "black man's tax" or whether my wife has ever felt she needed to prove something because she was a woman. how my mind expands during these discussions. how i gain a greater knowledge of the world at large, and even myself, by embracing and attempting to understand our many and varied differences. and not just learning about them, and embracing them, but accepting them, and respecting them. let me repeat: respecting them. by respecting them, motherfucker. because i have been afforded respect of my beliefs and ways by people who didn't like them, or agree, or maybe even understand. and that respect goes both ways. and when i haven't been afforded a modicum of respect, i have felt attacked, and angry, and i have even come to blows. so why then, should i act shocked if i am not affording respect to my fellow man, that he then should get pissed off? exactly, i am not allowed. he has every right. but if i am attempting to understand, and respect (because it all comes back to simple respect) his ways, then we all gain. we all learn. we all near ourselves to becoming god-like, and expand our understanding. and that seems to be, to me anyhow, our reason for occupying this humble rock. that being said, it is impossible to not offend someone somewhere along the line, and some people are actually looking for any reason to be offended. i try to avoid these people.

end rant.

by sheer dumb luck i left the house this morning attired completely in black. i didn't set out to make any kind of statement, i just grabbed clothes and hey, presto! gothboy emerged.

thanks for playing along, o my beloved, beleagured, and patient non-existants. have a good one.

darth sardonic

there is time...

with the right combination of coffee and water and cereal and milk, despite the hectic nature of the day, there is time:

there is time to dance in the living room while pretending we are live in concert and the footage we are filming will be used in a video. there is time to pretend i am the silly one in the band and make faces at the "camera." there is time to take the long way round instead of heading directly up to the door. there is time to stop and check out a snail. there is time to leave, and come back to check out the snail again. twice. there is time to say "yay!" and do a little dance at each small task that is accomplished. there is time to smile. there is time to chuff chuff crunch crackle through the brilliantly-colored fallen leaves on the sidewalk. there is time to send a silly random text to a friend. there is time for more water. there is time to pretend we are being chased by bad guys and hide. there is time to notice that no. 1 is mimicing me when i say, "thanks, have a good day." to the lady at the drive-thru, and smile secretly to myself. there is time to argue with no. 2 about his 'hawk: he doesn't want it today and i want to put it up cause he really looks like a nerd with it down. there is time for me to cave, and let him choose to have it down. there is time for me to be ok with that. there is time to empower. there is time to wonder why the hot ups lady that i just saw pass me on my road never delivers packages to my house, but the creepy guy who also delivers to the wife at work and talks to me like we are old pals always does. there is time to imagine what this post will be like. there is time to pretend to be a plane. there is time to sing "sharing cokes under this moonlit summer sky" and suddenly and inexplicably get choked up for an instant. there is time for lollipops. there is time to be reminded that you really are a decent father. there is time to remind someone else that they, too, are doing a good job despite what they think. there is time to misspell a word, laugh, and correct it. there is time to watch my kids when they don't know i am watching. there is time to be proud of them. there is time to let them know i am proud of them. there is time to cry. there is time to laugh. there is time to breathe, and reflect, and tell yourself it's not as bad as it seems. there is time to focus on the positive. there is time to tell yourself it will be fine. there is time to remind yourself how lucky you are. there is time for coffee. there is time to interact with someone for the sake of interacting and nothing more. there is time to be quick to lavish praise. there is time to ask yourself before reacting, "are they really hurting anything?" there is time to smell the flowers. there is time to start off posting about something small and potentially cute and let it get away from you and allow so much more unexpected stuff to pour out of you onto the page as if some higher power is using you to express simple truths.

there is time time to live.

darth sardonic

a bit of the randomness that swims around in my skull...

no one, and i do mean no one, should wear sweat pants with their shirts tucked into them.

some good advice afforded us by some of my favorite musicians:

Just some words of advice
Maybe you've heard them before but here goes
Just be true to yourself if it lands you in hell
Well, at least now you know

(alkaline trio, if you had a bad time)

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right.

(the ataris, in this diary)

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

(baz luhrmann, everybody's free (to wear sunscreen))

i can remember being a jabberjaw as a kid. i can remember my mom telling me to "shut up!" i can remember coming home completely covered in mud like the swamp thing. i can remember my parents' reactions. i try to apply this kid-memory to my grown-up-reaction and find some happy medium. this is hard.

i swore as a youngster that i would always listen to everything my kids said as if it was the most important thing to me. (this as a result of hearing alot of "mmmm hmmm" and "mmmmm" and "interesting" from my mother as i would talk incessantly at great length about some cartoon or movie or comic book that i thought was beyond interesting and which, no doubt, was about as much fun as watching mushrooms grow to everyone else.) fast forward to today:

no. 1: daddy daddy daddy look at thimbledubblerabbledrazzledroll...

me: mmmm hmmm

no. 2: daddy daddy daddy why he faddlewaddlegramppumpernickleslammawamma...?

me: mmmmm

nos. 1 & 2: daddy daddy daddy you gotta slartibartfastwacklydacklyrammalammadingdong...!

me: interesting

i have thought about changing my official title from "daddy" to something a little more difficult to utter, like, say "purveyor of food and drink to locust-like progeny, cleaner of messes, grumbler of epithets under breath" for the simple facts that the kids wouldn't be able to say it twenty times in a row rapidly and in a high-pitched grating voice that is like a sonic swarm of angry killer bees set free within my brainpan, followed by me saying a very exasperated
"wha-haaaat?!?" followed by, "ummm, i dunno." repeat over and over again until daddy eyes the bottle of gin longingly and licks lips.

the phrase "this is neither the time nor the place" is so cool that i think we should use it all the time. anytime someone wants to talk to you about something you don't feel like discussing: this is neither the time nor the place. have a coworker who annoys you and suddenly wants to discuss a project? this is neither the time nor the place. telemarketer? this is neither the time nor the place. family reunions? this is neither the time nor the place. not only is it an intrinsically cool line, but imagine the odd looks you would get damn near every time you said it. (i also seem completely incapable of using "near" in a sentence without "damn" in front of it. let me try again: but imagine the odd looks you would get damn n-- shit. they always told me if i swore it would take over my vocabulary. fuckers, i hate it when they are right.)

notes and replies to recent comments:

krissie, the movie actually does a great job of capturing the absurdist humor of the book, definitely see it.

lady macleod, i would be so honored to have you over for tea sometime. if you're ever in the area...

pixie, i just toss in random stuff that strikes me funny about life out of the blue because this blog is stream-of-concious like that. it is also perfectly acceptable to leave rant-comments at this site, i love it.

i will send over a package of adult diapers, sparx, to wear whilst reading my posts.

thanks for playing along.

darth sardonic

he jung

sometimes others just say it better:

Yeah, my girlfriend takes me home when I'm too drunk to drive/and she doesn't get all jealous when I hang out with the guys.../she laughs at my dumb jokes when no one does/she brings me mexican food from Sombrero's just because/And when I feel like giving up/like my world is falling down/I show up at 3 am/she's still up watching Vacation,/and I see her pretty face/it takes me away to a better place and/(I know that everything) everything's gonna be fine

blink 182, josie

when you think your chance is passing by/when you blow your moon away/I'll bleed like the reed/fall with your knife/it's here I'll be with you

peter murphy, fall with your knife

I won't stop following you/now help me pray for/the death of everything new/then we'll fly farther/cause you're my girl/and that's alright

deftones, rx queen

If only i had more time,/I'd take you where you wanted to go./Italy isn't the same without you here./If only I had one wish,/I'd want a million trillion lifetimes/that I could spend with you.../Fall in love with you again and again.

the ataris, looking back on today

there was nothing in the world that i ever wanted more/than to feel you deep in my heart/there was nothing in the world that i ever wanted more/than to never feel the breaking apart/all my pictures of you

the cure, pictures of you

a good friend is hard to find/but you'll have one if you open your eyes/a good friend is hard to find/i found you/will you be mine?

codiene, hard to find

and probably the most important of all time:

If you need a friend,/don't look to a stranger,/You know in the end,/I'll always be there.../I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say./I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be./And if I have to walk the world to make you fall for me,/I promise you, I promise you I will

when in rome, the promise

happy valentine's.

and yes, i am crying, but only cause i am a pansy.

and i know that i might've taken some songs out of context, chalk it up to creative license. also, it may appear like this was an easy way out, but if you knew how long it took to figure out which songs i wanted to use, then find the lyrics, etc etc, anyways, it's more about the feeling anyhow.

darth sardonic