Thursday, September 20, 2007

simple truths

no one likes to be judged. everybody judges others.

i should be balancing our checkbook right now.

i can leave the house with cookie-monster blue hair, piercings and a few tats on full display, wearing my dickies workshirt with the nametag that says "loser" and my pin-up girl all-stars, wallet chain swinging, looking as mean as i can, and some sweet old grandmotherly lady will still smile at me and ask me if i would be so kind as to tell her how to get to the wal-mart and boy, my young men sure are cute.

thank you, krissie, for reminding me that i am decent-looking. i appreciate that (i think you said something along the lines of the full package, hahaha, anyways), everyone loves to hear from others that they hold in regard that they look good. the majority of people do not love to hear they are good-looking from creepy folks whose footprints are pressed into the mud outside their bedroom windows. most people don't think of themselves as "hot" or "sexy." people who do think of themselves as "hot" or "sexy," i find, are complete bores to be around and have all the personality of a vacuum bag. i also find that i might see someone i find attractive, spend an hour or two talking to them, and then subsequent weeks getting to know them, and somehow or other, they go from "attractive" to "hot and sexy" in my head. personality goes an incredibly long way for basic sexiness of a person in my opinion.

we have bought a second car. despite my repeated venomous and heated declarations to the contrary, i will be returning to the inner circle of pepperoni hell and dragging people's pizzas around in my hat and stupid shirt, at least until such time as we toddle off to florida (the wife is, as we speak, videoconferencing with the fella in charge of filling the vacancy by way of interview), and this necesitated another vehicle.

it goes without saying, of course, that we did not buy a benz. quite the contrary. we purchased, with cash, a '97 kia sephia with a dented front and hood, a relatively newer engine, a back door that won't open from the outside (and the wife won't let me even take the panel off to see if i can fix it as a result of all the door-latch issues we had with the fucking prelude--although i am sure this particular issue is simply a rod that has fallen out of place), and one missing hubcap.

buying a car with cash has been, in my experience, a crap-shoot at best. here, for you reading pleasure, a brief list and description of a few of the cars i have purchased with cash:

the first car i ever owned, babe the blue ox, a '75 volvo station wagon. no stereo, one fender off-color, reverse went out on the tranny a month after i bought it.

a '73 volvo sedan (yes, i had a thing for volvos. no, i wasn't very bright). banana yellow, and smelled slightly of petrol inside. tranny gave out a few months after i purchased it. went to junk it, and found that the seller had never changed the title over to himself from his father-in-law, and therefore i could not get a title for it in my name. i removed anything with my name on it from the car, parked it a short distance from my apartment, put the keys in the ignition, and left it. it was still parked there when i moved a few months later.

an '83 chevy cavalier. my buddy s bought this car for less than $200 from an insurance auction. he put a new front clip on it, that actually more or less matched, and got it realigned, and drove it for about a year. then he decided he wanted a motorcycle. he sold me the car for $500, which i paid in two payments, and even helped me put in a new cd player. i drove the sweet bejesus out of that car, replaced the starter, and sold it for $500 several months later when i moved. for all i know, they are still driving it.

an '83 toyota tercel, the beaster. oh, this thing was a piece of work. front was extremely dented. driver door was dented. back was dented. i mistakenly thought it was charcoal gray when i bought it. after cleaning it a bit, i discovered it was actually a light blue. the carpet around the stick shift was pocked with cigarette burns, and the interior looked as if someone had put an m-80 into a two-liter bottle of coke and set it off inside the car. i replaced the tires and back struts (any time i went over a big bump, the back tires would slam up into the wheel wells with a horrible noise and large sections of tread were burned right off the tires as a result), and did little else to it. i covered it in stickers: nofx, the mighty mighty bosstones, and one that said, "your proctologist called: they found your head" and drove it like jehu constantly in the harsh alaskan winters. two years later, when i moved, i sold it for $500 to a young guy who needed a cheap second car. again, that kid is probably still driving the beaster around.

we'll see how this one shapes up.

darth sardonic

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Blogger Queen Vixen said...

Funny - drove it like Jehu! Yes very funny, beware the arrow in the back!

By the way, on my (now famous) cheese post - I designated you as Monetery Jack. Hope you like it.

4:06 AM  
Blogger zirelda said...

My folks had two volvos when I was in high school. One was banana yellow and he ended up almost completely rebuilding the thing. He called it his born again car. The other one was stolen when they went out of town for the weekend. How lucky was that?

8:58 AM  
Blogger lady macleod said...

So often the used car or in my case, the refurbished computer turns out to be brilliant and last forever. If not, it still give a good story eh?

6:00 AM  

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