Monday, June 26, 2006

weapons of mass destruction

and as fun as it would be to write a post about human chemical and biological warfare (NOT), i'm actually talking about a certain spray for the destruction of winged stinging insects.

the backstory: when we moved into our new house, there was the tiniest little nest being created under the eves of our porch. we thought, we'll have to get some bug spray and take care of that.

and in a matter of a month, they have created something the size of a fucking football. originally, we thought it was the yellowjackets, which, frankly, i think are lazy partyin sons-a-bitches, cause they never would've created anything this big in a whole summer, let alone a month.

these turned out to be the black and white hornets, who, in my hive/rock-throwing experience are some angry motherfuckers with nasty fucking stings.

and they're no slackers either, o beloved nonexistant reader. cause at any given point they had three of those angry bastards building outer layers at breakneck speed in double shifts. i fully expected to find empty husks out in the driveway from where they had worked themselves to death only to be replaced but yet another drone.

so yesterday we bought the can of liquid death. now, they say that at dusk, the winged stinging beasts of burden are all sacked up for the night, and can be peacefully offed in their beds.

but apparently, my droogies, they were about the lose their bonus, cause the foreman was riding them well past the usual already-late closing time. so somewhere around 10:30 (a good hour-and-a-half after dusk), they were finally sacked out, and i stood in the driveway and soaked the living fuck out of their hive.

read back up to the paragraph about hive/rock throwing experience. suffice to say, i have never been the brightest crayon, and frequently had found myself unduly influenced by bee-hating friends of mine. so, while i respect bees and what they do, and i am not a bee-a-phobe, i don't really like being around them when they are in an agitated state.

so i hosed down the hive with the poison. and stood there a minute, gloating, i'm not ashamed to admit, when this crazy buzzing and thrashing kind of panicky noise began to emerge from the sodden nest.

and again, i am not ashamed to admit i beat feet out of there through the back door, and then finished gloating from behind the safety of window glass. just something about the noise of those thrashing hornets made my skin fucking crawl.

i'll allow the nest to stay up for 24 hours as testament to worthy opponents (ok, it's actually to help kill any hangers-on), and then i am knocking that shit down.

but it brings up imagery of dubya, and certain wars that i am not in agreement with.

darth sardonic


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