Thursday, August 31, 2006

professions of love and other sundries...

no. 1 loves the water. the perpetual swamp-like nature of our back yard will attest to this fact.

he's highly blessed in that my mom's housing development has a pool. add to this the fact that the shallow end of my mom's pool is a mere two feet, allowing no. 1 to stand on the bottom with all of his head and most of his chest free of any passing swells, and you have one fucking lucky kid.

he loves to try and "swim" under water at the shallow end. he has even gotten bold enough to venture along the side to well past over-his-head depth and dunk his whole head in. he's one insanely brave and crazy little bastard when it comes to the water.

then we took him to the pool on base.

an olympic-sized pool with a diving appendage. he was still having a blast, but was a little less brave since at no point could he touch the bottom without being underwater. we put a life vest on him, and he paddled himself around in utter bliss.

until he saw the diving boards.

for the next hour, all we heard was "wanna djump daddy, wanna djump." despite much pleading, negotiating, logical explanations, descriptions of drowning victims, etc, he could not be dissuaded, and i was all set to drag him kicking and screaming from the pool when the lifeguard blew the whistle for adult swim.

one of the other lifeguards came over and said, "i wanna see this. you can jump from the diving board ONE time. go ahead."

the wife situated herself in the pool near the end of the board, and the lifeguard guided my son up the little ladder. he happily toddled himself to the end of the plank, giddy with excitement, grinning from ear to ear.

when he reached the end, he looked down, and studied the situation for a moment. he looked at my wife, at the lifeguard, at me. he paced back and forth for a moment. he hunched over to get a closer view.

what was going on in his head was as plain as if he was actually speaking the words: "what the fuck? who raised this board up? i could've sworn it was closer to the water when i was over there watching. really? all along? fuck."

comme ce, comme ca, o beloved nonexistant readers, he backed down off the ladder and we left the pool. but he is not done with it yet, you can just tell by looking at him.

no. 2, on the other hand, is like a barnacle that is mortally afraid of h2o. if he isn't latched to you with both arms, both legs, and both sets of teeth, he is in full-on panic mode. whether his feet will touch bottom or not.

and that's all i got today, more to come you can bet.

darth sardonic


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