Tuesday, July 18, 2006

life continues spinning like a warped 45, slightly off-kilter

i love, and i mean love making people laugh.

which brings me to my next thing, seagypsy, how are you gonna pay me to mow your lawn? heh heh.

which brings me to my next thing, our lawn is finally to a normal level. it's still got patches that were flattened over that are a little long, like tufts of hair on a kid's head after a bad parental haircut, or maybe after he got gum in it. (not that that has ever happened to me! yeah, right.) i might even be able to cut it this weekend with the bag on the mower. yay! the battle is finally over.

which does not in any way have absolutely anything to do with my next thing. the past weekend we took the boys to the beach nearby in stielacoom. now, not as if seeing crabs, starfish, a clam (who had the audacity to squirt water at me when i lifted the rock and then sit there looking at me like, "what the fuck?!? you always come along pulling the roof off of people's houses? fucker.") and two baby seals wasn't enough, it's also near active train tracks. you actually cross a footbridge over the trains to get to the beach.

and something, o dear beloved and surely laughing-at-me-behind-my-back nonexistant readers, fucking creeped me the fuck out about that bridge. it was well supported. it had a high chainlink fence barrier on each side. but i felt like i was gonna fall on passing trains, my droogies. every time the kids switched sides of the bridge to ogle the passing cars, something would get all simultaneously hot and cold inside me and i would fight the insane urge to snatch them away from the edge.

now why that is, i don't know. i don't mind heights whatsoever, as long as i feel supported. for some reason, the stupid overreactive part of my brain, the neighborhood where phobias hang out (and the ole fear of heights guy must be one lonely motherfucker cause i really am not scared of much else) apparently kicked in on this one, big time. i guess it was the chainlink fence thing. being able to see everything going on below my feet. who knows?

and of course, the kids wanted to see every last one of the goddamn 4 billion fucking cars on the ever-loving train, dashing back and forth across the narrow bridge as the train moved slower than a slug embedded in molasses going uphill in january (and for those of you who have ever embedded a slug in molasses and sent it uphill in the winter months, you know that is ssslllllllllooooooooooooooow), while daddy broke into cold sweats and started shaking just like the guys who are about to explode in scanners.

so it was fun.

darth sardonic


Blogger SeaGypsy said...

Oh I think the price could be negotiated!

4 billion fucking cars? You counted every one of them thru those lil tiny weak links?

You do have a way with humor!!


8:29 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

You're humor is awesome!! I have bunch of reading to do, so I'm going back in for some more laughs!...


2:40 PM  

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