10 minutes in the shower

i have not even finished my first cup of coffee, and already i have given swamp thing 1 and swamp thing 2 showers.

i have turned the house completely upside-down looking for a remote that i know no. 1 had a hand in the disappearance of. i threatened him with permanent removal of toys, and movies, the indefinite end of tv privileges, and even loss of prom-night, all to no avail. he watched blithely as i dashed about overturning furniture and cursing under my breath.

when i finally said, "fuck it", and went for coffee, he says, "here it is" and produces it out of thin air. thin fucking air, i tell you. for his next trick, he is going to make the statue of liberty disappear. i said thank you and walked away shaking like daffy duck at the end of that one cartoon where it turns out bugs bunny is the artist.

i saw a bumper sticker recently: if you can read this, thank a teacher. since it is in english, thank a soldier. i love, love, love the troops. i appreciate what the military does. i am proud to be a yank. but this whole "speak english" thing really chaps my ass. did you know that the united states of america does not, i repeat, not have an official language. the closest we ever came to having one was german. yes, german. we are e fucking pluribus unum. out of the many, one. bring your language and teach it to us, it makes us strong.

why is it that if you are the only couple dancing on an enormous dance floor, and another couple joins you, they have to dance close enough to you so as to crash into you every so often? when i am dancing, the fewer bodies pressing mine, the better. i know, i know, i should be asking for more female bodies please, but i am a veteran of the mosh pits. when dancing to something other than mosh pit fare, i prefer not to be bumped into. makes me want to throw elbows.

i had a dream the night before last, that for some reason has stuck with me. i was swimming across a mountain lake. now, you know it is a dream, cause there is no way in hell i could do the swimming that i was doing. back in the day, i could do some long-distance swimming. back before cigarettes and kids and before i quit going to the gym.

everything about this lake and its surroundings was ominous. the mountains around me seemed to bear down on me. the sky was a dark charcoal grey with clouds. the very water was an opaque midnight blue.

then the blue-green hump of a whale broke the surface of the water in front of me.

i look around. there are literally hundreds of humpback whales darting back and forth in the water all around me. i suddenly felt pressed in on all sides by whales that were little more than shadowy shapes.

and everything was deadly silent.

don't ask me what the dream is supposed to mean. i have no idea. the creepy factor on this one caused it to stay in my mind. and suddenly this morning it ties to something else in my life. not really me, or a situation of my own, but an empathy for a very good friend, who may be feeling pressed in and borne down upon.

if we could lend our nonexistant reader energy to courtney, that the sun will break the clouds, that birds will chirp, that the water will shine, that the snow-capped mountains will glisten, that the whales will burst forth into song, and that she will flip over to do the backstroke, and smile at the blue sky as the pods dip in and out of the water around her.

and we'll all grill and drink and have a party on the shore.

darth sardonic