Monday, August 07, 2006

like some junky cosmonaut

i want to find out where i might get my hands on a recently-deceased elephant carcass. the parcel place next to my place of employ has a big sign out front that boasts: "we ship ANYTHING!!"

speaking of work, or as i call it, the inner circle of calzone hell, last night was yet another red-letter day in the annals of my history as a delivery driver.

first off, my work schedule has finally acheived some sort of normalcy. i have predominantly been on the schedule m, w, f, and sun. unless i ask for a day off, or in some other way change it, this has been my schedule now for several months.

so when my high school buddy s called and said he was having his summer bbq on the 12th, i of course said, "no problem, mate. i will be there and we will get drunk."

then i checked the schedule last night.

fuck me gently with a chainsaw sideways if, for the first time in something a few minutes short of forever, my manager hasn't switched my sunday night with a saturday night. well, of course i pissed, moaned, swore, stomped around a bit, all to no avail. he fed me some line about everyone wanting that night off and so he switched nights blah blah blah. what her forgets is that if it isn't directly related to me, i am not in the slightest interested in what happens at that fucking store, or the people in it.

but the under-manager, when the manager wasn't around, says to me, "don't worry, we got it covered. just don't tell the manager." nice to know a few people there got my back.

so all fixed, and my night improves greatly. and it is slower than that slug i mentioned in one of the other recent posts. (fuck that, i'm not gonna find it for ya, shit. lazy bastard here, find it your own fucking self!)

then it is about an hour out from the time i am supposed to be off. i have just returned from a run, and there is dickly shit going on. i'm thinking they oughtta send my ass home.

i keep thinking this while i fold boxes and sundry other bitch work for forty FUCKING minutes!!! yes, that is right, o my droogies and only friends, who have suffered much at the hands of your humble narrator, there was nary a delivery for FORTY goddamn minutes. meanwhile, one of the other two drivers is also standing around. i should be allowed to leave.

but my manager has a tickle in his ass that it is going to get busy, (he gets these tickles alot, i think he should check into some preparation h), so he wants to keep me around.

then, when it is nearly time for me to go home, and i have sufficiently reamed both nostrils and my ass, he sends me on a long double.

as a result, i get out of work a whole fucking HOUR later than i should've.

oh, and as for getting busy? yeah, umm, a whole lot more of the aforementioned dickly shit.

so with yet another year of my life sucked away, and my vampire manager licking his lips, i head home feeling utterly tired and defeated.

not gonna miss that prick this week while he is on vacation.

darth sardonic


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