Wednesday, August 09, 2006

let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words...

i'm listening to rise against's swing life away, and for some inexplicable reason it is making me sad. and i don't even want to bother with that, since it is sleep-deeprivation induced and fueled by a song that, for this moment anyways, i am taking as melancholy. though i doubt that's even it. so, instead: funny stuff about my kids!

the kids and i were watching dexter's laboratory on boomerang.

if no. 1 walks around in lab coats and gloves all the time, (and he probably will soon), i am ripping up the foundation of the house. will totally find a man out of body parts down there. a robot cat. a hunchback. the monster dances and sings "puuuuuuuuuun ahhh da riiiiiiiiiiiiii!" a cave with form-fitting body armor and shit. and you might laugh, but i bet were we to excavate this house right now, we'll find moon unit zappa with a little mini me humping the "lazer."

no. 2 says to me "atommabeeshee." then cries like hell cause i sit and look at him blankly. blink blink.

ah, i see. looked it up in my numbertictionary. it means, "do you have passage to alderaan?" now he's saying, "we don't want any imperial entanglements." all along he was speaking outer rim and i never knew.

no. 1 has gotten into the nasty habit of calling me son. pisses me off.

he says, "daddy i need you getting candy."

i say, "no."

he says, "son, ..."

i usually miss the rest cause i'm busy saying, "don't fucking call me son."

it's not the word son, it's how he says it. like a southern cop from the 50's would say, "boah."

funny, cause when he says "son" like that, i usually either say "boy" or "kid" in a similar fashion. gee, wonder where he gets it? can't for the life of me figure it out.

jesus, just now clued in. might set back my father of the year award a bit. the only thing saving me is the fact that i actually say "boy," as opposed to "boah."

after dexter's lab, it was the smurfs. i hate the fucking smurfs. and yes, i know you're thinking it has something to do with all the guys and only one girl. but i hated em before i really cottoned to the odd sexual dynamic. here's why: every week, something or someone is trying to eat them or destroy them. and every week they are dancing and singing and shit. then, when all hope seems lost, papa smurf says, "oh, hey, i totally forgot, i have a potion or a recipe or whatever for azreal repellant." smacks himself upside the head, cranks out the potion. back to singing and dancing and gangbanging the girl.

always a potion or a recipe or a spell.

i changed the song too:

lalalalalalaaaaaa kill a smurf today/hack a smurf , and choke a smurf and blow a smurf awaaay.

yes, even back then i was a screwed-up motherfucker. no, i did not seek help.

darth sardonic


Blogger Ruby Soho said...

i love that song.

7:54 PM  

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