Thursday, January 18, 2007

why is the bedroom so cold?...

things that never get to be said:

i love you, dad. i'm sorry i wasn't there a little more at the end, sorry i didn't make a bigger effort. sorry i didn't put my ego aside a bit for the sake of family. mom said she was worried i would regret that choice, and i do a bit. you could have made a bigger effort too, though. i guess you already know that.

i miss you, dennis. you were so fucking cool, and we all loved you and looked up to you. you and mom were in for the long haul, you really were. i loved how you could make me laugh, and how we could talk about whatever and you always treated me like i was an adult, and never made judgements. that was something i really needed and wasn't getting on the other home front. i sure hope you know that we miss you all the time. i'll see you when we're all tossing them back in the big bar above.

lloyd, it's been damn near a year, and while we don't cry for you as much, we still talk about you all the time. mom and i were sharing fond memories the other day. but don't worry, everyone still thinks you were a mean old cuss, your secret is safe with us. i imagine you are too busy playing catch-up with theo to keep close tabs on us, but sure hope you stop in once in awhile.

baby, i love you. i know i say it all the time and by christ, i hope i show it as well. just thought it oughtta be put down somewhere firm and lasting.

no. 1, i love you as well. i know our personalities clash sometimes, and i know that it might seem at times that i am always angry with you, but i am so fucking proud of you. words just can't convey how proud, and how glad i am to have you in my life. you know, you make it damn hard to be angry sometimes with that smirk of yours. wonder if your grandpa felt the same way thirty years ago?

no. 2, i love you also. i am in awe of the progress you have made and continue to make. sometimes things are going to seem too hard, but i know you are strong. and i know that you can always come to me with your worries and concerns, and i imagine i will have felt the same thing at one point or another. i imagine grammy probably will have felt it somewhere along the line as well. keep grinning, we'll make it in the long run.

mom, you know i love you, and we talk like this all the time, so i am alot less worried about the chance that these things haven't been or won't get to be said.

i imagine to some i have seemed an easy mark, to others a callous prick, and i imagine most don't give a shit either way. i'm a bucket of contradictions, so pick d) all of the above, as that is the correct answer.

darth sardonic

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