it's time to wake up...
am i alone in here?
so our friend a calls me about 5ish and says she is going stir crazy (her bf is also gone for a bit), and what am i doing.
and, of course, we all know the answer to that. i curve my index finger, bend my thumb, place the two tips together, and splay my other three fingers. as we used to say in buenos aires, huevo.
so plans are hastily made to lay hands on some gin and some tonic, and the fixin's for grilled cheese and tomato soup are amassed. and we play phase 10 and drink and bitch about work and stupid people and our significant others being gone. my wife actually calls while a is there, and we put her on speaker, and in an odd sort of way, it was like before she left.
comme ce, comme ca, o my patient and easy-going non-existant readers, it supplied me with the energy to perk myself up and have a better attitude for the weekend.
but at the same time, while i was hanging out, chatting a bit before going to bed, i was listening to music. the kinds of songs that keep my energy up: alkaline trio, deftones, casualties, on and on.
but without even knowing it, i started a slight glacial shift towards songs that might make me sad: looking back on today, by the ataris, one lonely visitor, by chevelle. it didn't make me cry, maybe because i was so perky as to almost be annoying, and most definitely tipsy.
but i'm feeling it a bit this morning. in the back of my head, like. like i ought to listen to the songs again and get it out of my system before i venture out and enjoy my weekend. like i might actually be able to relax more and have more fun for having done it.
worry not, o fearless non-existants: i get sad, i get depressed, i cry, i rail against god and dubya, and anyone else i think i can get away with blaming, and then i fucking smack myself, tell myself to lay off the fucking moaning, pick myself up, dust myself off, and right back at it.
cause that is just the way i am (said with eyebrow acock, and smirk on full alert).
darth sardonic
so our friend a calls me about 5ish and says she is going stir crazy (her bf is also gone for a bit), and what am i doing.
and, of course, we all know the answer to that. i curve my index finger, bend my thumb, place the two tips together, and splay my other three fingers. as we used to say in buenos aires, huevo.
so plans are hastily made to lay hands on some gin and some tonic, and the fixin's for grilled cheese and tomato soup are amassed. and we play phase 10 and drink and bitch about work and stupid people and our significant others being gone. my wife actually calls while a is there, and we put her on speaker, and in an odd sort of way, it was like before she left.
comme ce, comme ca, o my patient and easy-going non-existant readers, it supplied me with the energy to perk myself up and have a better attitude for the weekend.
but at the same time, while i was hanging out, chatting a bit before going to bed, i was listening to music. the kinds of songs that keep my energy up: alkaline trio, deftones, casualties, on and on.
but without even knowing it, i started a slight glacial shift towards songs that might make me sad: looking back on today, by the ataris, one lonely visitor, by chevelle. it didn't make me cry, maybe because i was so perky as to almost be annoying, and most definitely tipsy.
but i'm feeling it a bit this morning. in the back of my head, like. like i ought to listen to the songs again and get it out of my system before i venture out and enjoy my weekend. like i might actually be able to relax more and have more fun for having done it.
worry not, o fearless non-existants: i get sad, i get depressed, i cry, i rail against god and dubya, and anyone else i think i can get away with blaming, and then i fucking smack myself, tell myself to lay off the fucking moaning, pick myself up, dust myself off, and right back at it.
cause that is just the way i am (said with eyebrow acock, and smirk on full alert).
darth sardonic
Labels: chevelle, emptyness, i'm a pansy
posted by darth sardonic at 11:07 AM
5 Comments:
Hey Darth, it's ok to cry -- or to feel like it. Even for a macho dude like yourself. A friend (who's going through some sh**) and I just this week were discussing the merits of a good tear-fest. We agreed that it kind of works like a laxative, 'cept it cleanses the soul and not your bowels.
Anytime you feel like your misery could use some company, you know where to find me.
At least your kids are in school so you get part of the day to yourself. I am dreaming of the day when all three are in school at the same time!! And yet, I think about home schooling (WTF!) as if I need something else to do!
Hope you have a good (LONG) weekend! Round up some buddies with kids and then let the kids loose in a fenced in backyard, so you can rest with ONE eye open!
Atta boy!! That's the attitude. It's just life as a sometimes single parent. Just know we non-existies are out here feeling the same way too. Drink some more G&T. By the way I am so uncool I don't recognize any of the music you listen too.
Oh poor Darth,
you've got the idea - bitch, drink,sob, bitch, drink, sob, ....
and then soldier on! I have faith in you dude. and look at all the support you are getting from those of us who do not exist!
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