Friday, September 17, 2004

children's television

i think the bane of being a stay-home parent is children's programming.

i have already implied that i'm not a fan of "dragon tales", and, like most parents, i would like to plant a size ten in barney's ass. but no. 1 is currently watching "boohbah".

now the creators of these brightly-colored bouncing scrotal sacks must've shared a hash pipe with the makers of the Four Riders of the Apocalypse (you may know them as the teletubbies) because they both share striking, and annoying, similarities.

first, they are both brightly hued and stangely gonadal in shape. the teletubbies look seminormal enough, except they have oddly-bent phalluses growing out of their head. the boohbahs just look like underdeveloped testes, in colors god never intended.

they have their own languages. the teletubbies speak in a language know as "whiney-baby-talk" while the boohbahs speak fluent "fart".

both their existances seem to be made up of completely oblique practices that seem to serve little or no purpose that any of us humans can make out. the teletubbies eat tubbie toast, and watch tv on their beer guts. when the little stomach-show is over, they beg to see it again, and do. (joy for us parents). boohbah sleep in some strange pod structure, then get up one by one, and dance around while emitting what can only be assumed to be noxious gases from their bodies.

it is funny in teleboohtubbahbieland to have all the characters in your clan have really short or really long names except one. i.e. the boohbahs are named, respectively, rol-bah, croe-bah, gae-bah, wah-mee-bah, and finally, ramma-lamma-ding-dong-bah. the teletubbies are named, respectively, tinkly-bladder, lalaland, dipsy-doodle, and po (who is apparently the dark, gothy one who rights poetry about killing himself and black birds).

now, neither of these shows seem to make any sense to us parents, and i doubt they make precious little sense even to the overactive imaginations of our kids, but every time they're on and i'm in the room, i always get this weird feeling.

now, if you'll excuse me, i've got to go buy a purple cloak, shave my head, cut off my nuts, and wait for the mother ship.

darth sardonic


Blogger Mother Hoodlum said...

What's really scary is that mindless drivvel is billed as "educational television". Educating our young masses in what, poor grammer, and bad acting?!

2:41 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home