Thursday, January 13, 2005

buying front row seats to armageddon

it's possible i spelled that wrong, but i really don't fucking care.

in light of recent events involving a pretentious lady and my pal, mother hoodlum, i've been contemplating the christian phenomenon.

first of all, in the grand scope of things, christianity is a relatively young religion. i can think of at least three big ones that predate it by a few millenia:

1.) judaism. without these guys, there would be absolutely no christianity whatsoever. and any christian who uses the whole "jews crucified christ" bullshit as an excuse to be anti-semitic should be drug out into the street at 4 a.m. and summarily shot. because if christ was born now, in the us, we'd crucify him. or give him the chair in texas, actually, but same fucking thing. it was simply a small handful of pharisees who brought about his execution, because their positions of leadership were being threatened, and not the entire race.

2.) hinduism. alls i know bout these guys is their gods look like cool dungeons and dragons characters, and they have a crazy amount of respect for all, and i mean all life. by comparison, us christians are bloodthirsty vampires who seek the destruction of all who are not us. oh, wait, that's christianity anyway. sorry.

3.) buddhism. i think buddha and jesus would've gotten along famously. jesus was kinda hippified, and buddha's all about meditation and letting material things go, and focusing on the spirit.

the interesting thing about most christians that i come in contact with is they function under the possibly well-meaning but definitely misguided notion that everyone either is, or oughtta be, christian. especially in the us. if i had a buck for every email or conversation that came my way beginning with the line, "the us is a christian country..." i would produce my own porn movies.

first of all, the us is a non-religious country, based on seperation of church and state. if the us was a christian country, you'd have to be christian to be president, or serve in the senate or congress. i lived in argentina, and it is written into their law that you must be baptized catholic to be president of their country, and yet nobody there goes running around saying "argentina is a catholic (or christian, or whatfuckingever) country."

but here, boy, we got the christians trying to cram their beliefs into every aspect of our lives. mandatory christian prayer in schools. "under god" in the pledge of allegiance, which was, actually, only added into the pledge in the 1950's (a period of time that we seem to be attempting to relive, god please pass us the wild and crazy 60's, quick!) spouting their beliefs and way of thinking from every available medium.

so my thing is, why don't we see any buddhists, or hindus, or jews doing this? i mean, they have been around alot longer than we have, and yet they are content to leave the rest of us alone, and live their lives and their belief systems in peace. no one is trying to convince me that my god should have blue skin (though that would be cool!) or multiple arms, no one is trying to convince me that the kabala (and i'm sorry, cause i'm damn sure i fucked that one up!) is the only way to go (cept britanny spears, but she's only doing it cause she's got her nose so far up madonna's asshole that i can't tell where one ends and the other begins), or that i should shave my head, give away my belongings, and wear an orange robe.

also, christians seem to be the only bipeds on this planet in a mad-ass rush to usher in the big fucking war between good and evil. (oh, wait, cept for jihad muslims, who are only slightly more crazy than the zealous christians.) is it possible, however sacriligious it may seem, that the battle is more of a spiritual one than one between our country and another's. i think the word for a religious battle between two countries is "crusade", and the ancient brits tried that, and i don't think christ came back then, either. and what we are doing in iraq is little more than the same thing. i doubt highly that it will usher in any new era of peace or what ever other bullshit that they think is sure to follow.

and finally, is it possible that since our universe is such a vast, huge, and unfathomably eternal place, that there is a something out there for each and every one of us? i mean, there's probably a heaven where christ resides, and a heaven or whatever they call it, where the elephant guy with six arms hangs out, and a heaven where allah meets the faithful martyrs with 76 virgins. i used to think that all our respective gods were the same thing with different names and outfits, but maybe they are all different, but equal, and reside in their own respective heavens. or maybe christianity is the right one, in which case, i know christ is going to be very disappointed with alot of his so-called representatives, because their recruiting methods drove more people away than they brought to the flock.

either way, i'm getting a little tired of the christian right running around thinking their way is the only right way, i'm ready for a couple of guys clad in turbans and loincloths, leading a cow, to knock my door and ask me if i've ever pondered how my life might be improved if i accepted shali or whoever into my heart.

darth sardonic


Blogger nicoshellee said...

hi darth! glad to see you are still blogging!
i sort of am. my sense of humour, sense of fun life have seem to have disappeared for now though so my blog is quite boring. just the normal crap going on in my life. kids, cleaning, etc..... oh and playdates galore! just wait till ya get there! it is almost annoying. i mean i want my kids to have friends i just don't want them over here. mean mommy i am. anyway..... just wanted to say hey. my boy-o max wants to use my computer so i have to run.....


6:45 PM  

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