Wednesday, January 05, 2005

the joys of stay-home dadhood

naturally, you know that really this blog is not about the "joys" so much as shit that pisses me off, but hopefully you also realize that i really do know the real joys of being a stay-home parent.

having said that, let's start in, shall we?

first off, i used to never, and i mean never get sick. never. i thought a sore throat was sick. now, i catch every creeping thing that would fill my head with infected snot or my anus with watery discharge. and my kids aren't even in school yet. i'm fucked right good and proper when they start. the latest is a three-day bug that causes everything in your body to turn to water and gush out of your ass at half-hour intervals. yes, i know it's gross, but you think hearing about it is gross, you should be with me right now.

another thing i love about being a stay-home dad in particular is comments like: "oh, it's daddy's turn today, is it?" or "must be giving mommy a break." (these are always from women.) it's my fucking turn every fucking day. now, it's not that i don't think what mommy does is hard, and she's super good about giving me breaks. my point is, what kinda sick bitch feels it's necessary to a.) assume daddy never takes care of the kids, and then b.) go and make some snide fucking comment about it, to me, in the store/parking lot/mall/doctor's office? and if they do it when my wife is around, she will be the first to jump their shit.

i also love receiving unsolicited advice in the same locations i have just mentioned, from mothers who have obviously moved into the next phase of parenthood (more commonly know as grandparenthood) about overuse of binkies or whatever other dumb shit pops into their head. if i ask for it, then fine, if i don't know you and i didn't ask, piss off ya nonce.

i love (and i have alluded to this in previous blogs) the chilly reception i get from some stay-home moms. however, that dead horse is completely covered in fresh bruises, so i will say no more.

in closing, let me share a story. load my kids in the double stroller to go to the post office and mail off a couple of not-small boxes. post office has double entry. i am trying to manuever double stroller and two boxes through series of doors. nearby, woman sorts through junk mail, looking through envelopes and then tossing them in trash. watches me hold door with butt while manhandling stroller and doing my best diego maradona (or maybe you'd prefer david beckham? or maybe you'd prefer mia hamm? i know i would. mmmmm, mia hamm. oops, i digress.) with the boxes. finally, i have gained access to the fortress that is the tularosa, nm post office. wipe sweat from brow (did i forget to mention 100-degree weather? silly me.) woman says, "that was me 20 years ago."

i fight urge to scream at top of lungs, "did no one get the door for you 20 years ago?!!!!? is that why you feel like you can be such a twat to me now?? why, for fuck's sake, if you've been there as you say, would you just stand around like a fucking successful brain donor, watching while i fight my way through two sets of doors, when any teenage punk kid with a foot-tall blue mohawk and more metal than skin on his face would've had enough sense to grab the door. fuck you and your bratty-ass kids and your fucking junk mail that is more important than your fellow man and fuck your need to inform me that 20 years ago you were fucking some kids' lives up while you muddled your braindead way through this thing the rest of us call life!!!!!"

instead, i smile what i hope is a pleasant "i-don't-give-a-shit" smile, and ignore her for the rest of my time in the post office.

the point being, if you're not gonna get the door for someone who is struggling, don't be daft enough to mention that "you were there" before. just coninue ignoring them like you were before.


darth sardonic


Blogger Amber(Sorcha) said...

You go boyeeeeee! FUCK that cuntrag. How totally rude not to open the door for you. And incidentally, I just shaved the sides of my head and my hair has been blue for quite some time and I would have gladly held the door open for you.

And as far as the reverse double standard about you being a stay home dad, I say: fuck those people. Keep doing what yer doing. Kids in this fucking country need more men at home. They need a male perspective growing up just much as they need the female.

3:01 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home