Thursday, February 17, 2005

such a crappy mood for such a beautiful day...

well, the sleep-deprivation and grumpiness have distilled to one of my favorite moods, a kind of quiet moroseness (morose is another word that should be on my list--oh, and lummox. lummox should definitely be on my list). it's absolutely gorgeous outside, but the kids are sick and tired, and there is not enough collective energy in this house to withstand the monster tantrum that would be thrown when time to come inside came around.

sad that i'm in this mood when it's so nice outside. but it is an optimistic morose, i know things will get better, it's just that at this very moment i feel inexplicabley sad.

this is always a good time to bust out my old cure albums, and for some reason letter to elise captures the way i feel. not the words necessarily, but the way the music feels. i've already listened to it five times. if i would sit down and watch green mile i would definitely purge everything, and feel immediately better. but there is a monster tantrum waiting for the person who shuts down the back-to-back loop of rescuers down under. so i listen to this song, write here, look out the window and daydream about running through the park, arms thrown back, facing the sun, eyes closed. blissful.

the cure always reminds me of a time when i felt like my entire life was stretching before me, a blank canvas, so many dreams, so many opportunities, so many possibilities. it's not that i am not happy with my life, i am. very. (i'm fucking sleep-deprived!! cut me some slack here) but i feel like in the past maybe i wasted so much fucking time on dumb shit earlier on.

well, no. 1 just woke up, and came over, and gave me a big hug. and the dam is broke.

and now that the demons are being expunged, i suddenly think "what a fucking whiner i am. fucking shit. i gotta quit my pissing and moaning about shit that is past and can't be changed. damn. i'm such a bitch!! jesus, grow some goddamn nads!

it's time to get this emotional rollercoaster on the uphill swing!!"

hate to leave you like this, oh nonexistant readers of mine, but i gotta get this fucking whiny music outta my stereo and put in something with a little more pep. plus, no. 1 needs chocolate milk. maybe i do too.

darth sardonic


Blogger Mme. A. said...

The Cure is always the perfect soundtrack for melancholic days like the one you're having. The songs are always a bit depressive, almost sad. But it's not a bad sadness, it's just that moment before something good happen, before you realize something that will change your life is about to take place.

At least that's the way I feel about the Cure. And I love that Bloodflowers album, especially "There is no If..." probably because my husband gave it to me right around the time when we were getting back together.

Yeah, the Cure is fucking awesome. I have the new CD at home, since it came out. I think I haven't heard it more than 2 in all this time. Can't even remember if it's good or not. Hmm... Such thing is called forgetfulness.


For how long have you lived in Argentina? I used to live in Brazil. See, we were neighbors.


10:21 AM  

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