i can't believe i'm not ashamed to be the person that i am today

i cannot even begin, o beloved nonexistant reader, to capture the jumble of thoughts in my head and stretch it into one cohesive thought.

i'm feeling very pensive today. (yeah, big shocker) and there are so many things i find on my plate right now. some happy, some sad, most in some kind of confusing limbo state pending further investigation.

i definitely feel (as i do most days, if i give myself a moment to look at it) like i am on the threshold of something. usually i have some kind of vague idea of what. today, i am not so sure. mostly, i feel as i do every day: everything will work out.

but let's look at that a moment, shall we? (we're fuckin gonna anyways, right? it's my god damn blog.) all that sentence really says is i'm going to do the best with what i'm handed. and i will. i'm totally going to candide my way out like i always do. whatever happens, i'll tough it out and move on, but i don't even know where things are going.

and i am not going to steal courtney's thing by telling you you should listen to a certain song, because you might listen to them and say to yourself, "i don't even know what the fuck darth is thinking, these songs have shite to do with what he's prattling on about.", but i find myself listening to breaking benjamin's diary of jane, and especially staind's so far away, cause something about these two songs seem to fit my mood and all the issues that i am currently kicking around. again, listening to these songs will probably not lend any insight into my emotional state or what i am dealing with, they are simply speaking to me right now.

i will say, and i actually find it surprising as well, that no matter what happens, like the line in the song, i can't believe i'm not ashamed to be the person that i am today.

with that, o my droogs and only friends, i leave you for today.

darth sardonic