Thursday, December 09, 2004

get me off this crazy thing!

okay, so it's been awhile, and, yes, my recent blogs have not really even been funny. i know. so fucking sue me, what can i say?!

but i was just in the bathroom plucking hairs out of my nose and ears. i know, eeeeeewww. can i point out something?

i used to be able to eat whatever i wanted. steaks, mcdonalds, lots of starchy foods deep-fat fried and smothered in butter, and i always looked like i needed to run around in the shower to get wet. lately, it seems more like if i look at food longingly then my waistline stays at status quo, regardless of exercise or whatever.

i've already mentioned, i'm sure, the gray that is sneaking it's way into my hair. that's okay i guess, it doesn't really make me look old, and i've decided it's really no big deal. i can live with it just the way it is. but within the last two years, i've started sprouting long black hairs in my ears, my nose, my shoulders, and now when my wife shaves my neck, she has to continue down past what i consider the neck to what i really consider my high upper back.

this shit's unacceptable. i'm fucking 33 for god's sake. i used to be proud of the fact that i was not an overly hairy fucker, with just the right amount on my chest, arms, legs. but now, holy fuck!! stuff's sprouting everywhere.

and i'm made gassy by just about everything i eat. i remember my dad had an uncanny ability to turn sundry foodstuffs into readily available naturla gas, and apparently i have received that gene, it just waits till middle age to kick in.

in keeping with my recent renewed attempt to improve my health (and reduce my waistline)(see run, forrest, run), the wife and i purchased those daily vitamin supplements put out by a well-known company(who is not paying me advertising or royalties or whatever, so fuck them, i'm not naming em), and this morning, after taking mine, i read the label to see just how much it's helping me with my necessary daily requirements.

check this shit out: (from the label printed on the bottle, and yes, this is real!) vitamin c--150%, vitamin d--100%, e--150%, riboflavin--100%, b6--150%, folic acid--100%, (my personal favorite!)b12--300%(!!!!!!!). now, there's lots more, some other that meet or exceed the daily allowance, and others ranging from 10% to 80%. so i did a little research, (this part is not real, i made this shit up), and all i need to include in my diet to fill in what's not being provided by my vitamin supplement is: a carrot, and a rusty nail.

300% on the b12. wtf!!!! my luck, a few years down the road and they will find out that excessive b12 in your diet causes premature gray hair, extra body-hair growth, and excessive flatulence.

anyways, thanks for playing along,

darth sardonic


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