Thursday, November 27, 2008

you're it!

hokay, i have been tagged by sandrine, and so here goes:

7 things i plan to do before i die: write a book (but still waiting to hear back o beloved non-existant readers--soon as i know). share with my kids the wonder of life. finish my tattoo. plant a tree. love. laugh. live! (and yes, many of those i have done already, or are the kinds of ongoing things that one doesn't ever stop doing, but you never know when you will go, and this has always been my "bucket" list, so there you have it.)

7 things i do now: write. learn. laugh. cry. love. fight. live!

7 things i won't do: kick a cat. belittle my children. try and convince anyone that my way is the only right way. stick my hand in fred's mouth. stop loving my wife. quit writing. refrain from calling my readers "non-existant readers."

7 things that attract me in the opposite sex: ummm. wow. i think you more or less have to be the opposite sex just about and i will find you attractive, but lemme see: wit. expressive eyes. a warm smile with just the hint of secrets you aren't sharing. openness. humble confidence. out-going. full of life. (i have never been a "boobs guy" or a "butt guy." i am more of a "whole package guy." and some of the ugliest women i know are nearly perfect physically, but seem like beautiful statues with hollow insides when i talk to them. on the other hand, some of the most gorgeous women i know wouldn't be considered good-looking by most men at all.)

7 celebrities that i admire: jimmy stewart. humphrey bogart. jim carrey. ellen degeneris. bettie paige. ian mckaye. harrison ford.

7 favorite foods: a good argentine parillada with all the trimmings. chinese buffet. sushi bar. pizza. burritos. spaghetti with meatballs. tom collins (i consider it a food. i consume it like i would anything else. if you wanna quibble over scemantics... geez.)

and now the hard part, tagging others with this thing. hmmmm. i am gonna go with krissie (i seem to tag her for nearly everything lol), fire byrd, lady macleod, jenny, sparx, blogget jones, and lara.

darth sardonic

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Saturday, November 22, 2008


many of my online friends have wishlists. you, o beloved non-existants, are probably very familiar with them. for those of you who, like me, might be a bit uneducated in this field, a wishlist is a site where you can add links to online shopping sites for items you wish to have but can't necessarily afford.

the surprising thing about wishlists is not that they exist, so much as that people actually buy their friends things off of their wishlists. (i must just be a collossally shitty friend.)

this got me to thinking: i have a wishlist in my head a mile long. but most of the stuff you would find on it would be stupidly expensive, and truth be told, i would feel a little bad if someone dropped the mosca to get me any of it, and furthermore, most of it is not the kinds of things you are going to find readily available on a site somewhere.

but let's, for the sake of argument, and because my creative energy is clearly in a slump, take a moment to go over my wishlist. and who knows? maybe you, the beloved (and no doubt getting annoyed with the truly boring nature of posts of late) non-existant readers may have something off the list collecting dust in a garage, attic, or basement, and would actually be glad to be rid of it. (and truth be told, this idea appeals to me more than someone reading the list, surfing the web for an item, buying it, and mailing it off to me--but face it, this post is really just a post for posting's sake, and no one is really even reading this far.)

my wishlist (finally!):

* a pair of black doc martens, (size 10 us, 10 to 14 i, worn but not destroyed would be wonderful).
* any bettie page t-shirts (size XL) and/or stickers (can never have too many. unless you ask my wife, in which case, i already have too many!)
* thursday's full collapse cd (i have a copy).
* an upright bass (any upright bass, as long as it doesn't need extensive repairs. if it was in need of a part or two i might go out and find and add simply, or a small glue/clamp job, i could manage that. wear from being loved/played/used is a plus).
* converse all stars (size 10 us, and worn but not destroyed. i have somewhere around 9 or ten pairs of chucks, so going out to buy me new ones would just be silly. but if you were to have old pairs that have been loved, that is keen).
* any guitars/basses or parts, functioning or not (always in search of new projects, and having a plethera of parts and bits n such is always a good plan (just ignore my wife's cries of "you need more of these?!?")).
* a dead kennedys t-shirt (a simple one with the "dk" logo, size XL, and preferably preworn some as long as it isn't too holey and not shrunken too much--i am a tubby and tall bastard, and shrunken shirts make me look doofy).
* deftones' b sides & rarities cd.
* a hunter s. thompson t-shirt (size XL).
* a five-string bass (at this point, any 5-string is fine, and i can do many repairs myself, from cosmetic fixes to adding parts to rewiring).
* any used dickies or carhartt workclothes (34 to 38 waist, 30 to 32 length on pants, size XL on shirts. worn, beat, holey, all fine. the only deal breakers on this would be excessive paint or grease stains).
* any art supplies for drawing/painting (i am always looking for more brushes, pencils, pens, canvases, what-have-you, because, again, you can never have too many (unless you ask my wife)).
* a black leather console lid/armrest for a '93 to '96 lincoln mark viii (the latch on mine is broken, and if i bump it with my elbow, it pops up. if you were to have any other parts for a mark viii of this vintage, (because all of you have moldering lincolns in your driveways, you know you do!) i would dig them as well, no doubt).
* any assorted mics, mic stands, cables and wires (as long as they're functional, i aint picky).
* a william s. burroughs t-shirt (size XL (and why do i keep capitalizing that?!? i never capitalize anything but i am managing to capitalize that every time! what the hell is wrong with me?)).
* cymbals (any halfway decent zildjians or paistes would be swell, two hi hats, two crashes, a ride and a splash).
* any star wars action figures, playsets, or vehicles. (i know, i know, i am a huge dork, but we already knew this).
* a gibson ripper bass (in good working order, though cosmetically it can be beat. actually, i have some parts i could swap from my nonfunctioning one, so as long as the truss rod was fine, the frets were in good shape, the body and neck were solid, and it has the original working pickups, i could put it together between the two. black would be preferred, but beggars can't and all that, right?)

so there it is. not a mile long after all, perhaps, but still very narcissistic and selfish and self-serving just the same, and as you, the beloved non-existants well know, i am not really very egotistical, and am now having a whole battle with myself for even pressing the publish post button, but i really don't have anything else going on here, so--


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

best wishes have been made...

my wife turned--err, well, that is to say, her birthday was saturday.

we have many, and i mean several, friends born in the month of november, and my wife decided to throw a big shindiggity to honor them all.

which means we had people come in from all over. my wife's good friend from portland, m. (designated m-p from now on), our friend from sg and port st lucie, m (m-psl), another friend of ours from sg and indiana (m-i) (if you're not confused now, you should be), our buddy q from orlando, and another friend, s, from tampa. (the house was full, and my wife asked me how it is that i always end up being the only guy surrounded by hot chicks. i replied it was a real talent, lol.)

jello shots and fingerfood were made. daiquiris were blended (m-p only drinks strawberry daiquiris). m-i maintained a chat and cam on her laptop while we all dashed about getting ready.

the cove was full. food abounded. drinks were consumed.

me n my guitarist (who plays a little of everything) jammed. (our drummer showed up late, and so we weren't able to all jam together.) s, m-psl, and m-i chatted (and quite possibly flashed body parts) on cam.

we ended up climbing up on top of the rv that b had parked in the driveway to house a few of the visitors. yours truly managed to do it with his drink still in his hand. we sat up there, laughed, posed for pics, convinced others to join us, and in general had fun, until q thought it would be funny to start rocking the rv. that part of the party ended pretty quickly thereafter.

one of our female neighbors gave my wife a lap dance (i forgot to ask if my wife liked it), and her hubby and j flashed the goat to the entire outside. (i, fortunately, was in the man room twanging my bass.)

my guitarist called anyone who wouldn't join him for jello shots "pussies" and kept dragging us back for more. i've only a hazy and dimly lit recollection of just how much whiskey and vodka mixed with ground horse's hooves i consumed.

we danced, we laughed. some drama ensued, but was kept to a minimum.

q kept trying to convince me to do a boxer run. which we used to do in washington, when i had a fenced-in back yard. running around with only cotton between me and my bits and all and sundry didn't really appeal to me, plus the cops do patrol, and know we are the party cove, so they are always checking us. i really don't need to be arrested for indecent exposure.

as the hours began to be wee, one by one we stumbled or crawled off to our respective beds. m-psl went to sleep on the couch with her glasses still on. s n q wandered off towards the camper with their bodies in contact of some sort the whole way. (the next day, the rv rocking would be blamed on the wind, but we know better, don't we, o beloved non-existant readers? heh heh.) m-i and i stayed up just a bit longer, talking.

the next morning the kids would wake me much too early, and my headache would only dissipate when i had eaten two bowls of cereal and a large glass of water and a cup or two of coffee.

a good time was had by all.

darth sardonic

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Saturday, November 15, 2008

random notes from my so-called brain

the phrase "i love [insert name of close friend here] to death" is usually followed by a dissertation on why you would love to punch him/her in the taint.

recently, there was a squad of brit soldiers or air force or not sure what here for some kind of exchange or some such thing, and they apparently are avid golfers and were at the clubhouse getting some breakfast when i went up there to also purchase vittles. i figgered they "weren't from round here" real quick, based solely on their dress. but when one said something to another, it gave me an opportunity to ask where they were visiting from, and engage in a conversation. lady macleod, don't hate me, but i actually asked the scott if he was a northerner. heh heh, cause i am a dumb yank, and can't really tell the difference between a brogue and yorkshire. eh, up, lads.

fred was out in force for them the day they were golfing as well. like someone called him in advance and said, "for the sake of international relations, you need to be out by the pond on 17 fairway from 8 am to 3 pm, or you're a pair a shoes."

i actually suggested we just get a big stuffed gator from a taxidermist and lay it out wherever it would do the most dama--err, umm, be the most visible, by way of keeping the tourist trade interested in dropping their hard-earned bones at our pathetic little course rather than any of the much nicer courses off-base.

today is my wife's 35th birthday, and we have quite a turn-out from all corners of the globe (well, the us anyways) to help celebrate it.

what crazy ingenious bastard invented jell-o? and subsequently, what crazy ingenious wino decided to add alcohol and make jell-o shots?

i'm sure i'll come up with more shit, just as soon as i post this and step away from the computer, but for now, that is all.

darth sardonic

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Thursday, November 13, 2008

It's about time that you got sick of me...

No longer fun, and so far from interesting

let's face it, o my beloved non-existant readers, i have been failing a bit on the keeping you abreast of current sardonic events front.

it has been a crammed two weeks. like hitting all the rides at a theme park in some kind of sped-up wormhole time/space continuum meltdown thing where everything travels at the speed of sound and i barely catch my breath from one before dipping over another scream-wrenching steep hill.

but the cars are slowing down, the last ride is slowing down as it pulls back into the terminal, and my stomach is settling back down into its proper place.


no. 1 is now on adhd medication, and we are already seeing a difference. but with the better performance at school comes a few side-effects: there is a point of the evening where no. 1 has a meltdown, for the simple reason that he is coming off the meds (had to fight the urge to type "drugs" there, like my kid is some back-alley junkie), and the soft focus that the meds have put on everything goes away and everything rushes back at him in a wallop. this will settle down in another day or two, but we are already learning to watch for it, and to react calmly instead of in our (my!) usual manner of loud yelling, stomping around, and increased use of expletives.

the other is a decreased interest in sleep, which i am also hoping will calm down. but so far it takes no. 1 forever to settle down and go to sleep. we have agreed that the best we can hope for is that he stays in his room and in his bed and plays or reads quietly, which he is beginning to do.

last weekend i met up with my tattoo artist at a convention in dallas for another sitting. (yes, yes, fire byrd, i will post pics here as soon as it heals.) i also got to spend not nearly enough time with j and her knew man, r. (she and c broke up) she looks good and seems to be doing better than she has in quite awhile, though feeling the same economic pinch that we all are right now.

i'm digging obama. though it's quite funny and a bit shocking to see some people's reactions. one of the dumbshit ladies at work said she was gonna move to canada. which is funny, cause that's what i said when dubya got voted in for a second term. she is gonna fucking shit bricks when she finds out they are socialists! then she will be left with mexico, which she will probably hate cause it is full of (gasp!) mexicans.

my time is running short, and really, and honestly, that is about all there is to report. i promise to not neglect this little dried booger caught on the world wide web quite so much in the future.

darth sardonic

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Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Place a curse on the hearse we're driving...

Cut the brake lines, end up dying

soon i will get to find out which one of the less-than-stellar choices gets to fuck up my life for the next four years.

we had a union meeting today, the subject of which was johnny-come-lately, the new assistant superintendant. lo and behold, corners were cut, rules were bent, protocols were skipped, and comme ce, comme ca, o my beloved non-existant readers, o thou patient and long-suffering hepcats and kittens, it is likely that johnny c. l. will soon find himself back to being a flunky lawnmower man like the rest of us. (we're actually hoping he will get frustrated and quit, because he has proven himself to be a roundmouth and untrustworthy, as well as never having bothered to learn to properly use much of equipment we utilize on a daily basis, and therefore making him a danger to himself and others) as for the boss (recipient of implied bj's and arrogant prick, as well as clearly perpetrator of cronyism), at the very least he will get reprimanded and hopefully knocked off his high horse. it is even possible he could find himself shitcanned. which wouldn't bother any of us (except johnny c. l. perhaps) in the least. the superintendant, who we all dig, and who we figure has found himself uncomfortably lodged betwixt igneous and hardpan in this situation, will escape unscathed.

no. 2 recently had eye surgery to correct a strabismus (opthalmologist-speak for lazy eye), and it was a smashing success. i could see a notable difference the very first time he opened his eyes, and now that the bruising is gone, he looks rather dashing.

i myself will be going in soon for a same-day surgery to fix the hearing in my left ear. yours truly, your humble narrator, has had a fairly significant hearing loss in his left ear for as long as he can remember. since we work for the military around noisy machinery all day, they require regular hearing checks. this led to me being referred to see what can be done. turns out, the bones in my inner ear aren't functioning properly, and a little snip, snap, paste, n duct tape, and i will be able to hear again. at least a 90% chance of success. i am excited, and trying to imagine what it is going to be like to not say, "huh? what?" all the time.

no. 1 is getting assessed for adhd. like he has so much trouble focusing in school that it is actually causing him to fall behind. his teacher is quick to reiterate over and over that he is not dumb, or lacking in any kind of mental capacity. he is just so rambunctious and unable to concentrate. so he will probably be on meds to help settle him a bit.

i just feel, lately anyhow, that we get one thing out of the way (no. 2's eye) and something new and equally, or even more, aggravating pops up. can i just get a year or two where things just get better, without having to trade some other thing in?

anyhow, i wasn't really necessarily headed anywhere with all this, just getting the latest out there to keep you, the beloved non-existants, the alphas and omegas, abreast of the current events in the sardonic household.

darth sardonic

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