Friday, September 30, 2005

exit strategy

so many people (kurt vonnegut on the daily show, my dentist, sundry others) have been pointing out something lately that i feel it bears repeating and sharing.

our goal for exiting iraq (a country that didn't really want us there in the first fucking place, but hey, that's neither here nor there) is to leave the country in a democracy without leaving a bloody mess.

okay, so here's the deal. when the usa started some 250 years ago, there was little the original colonials could agree upon. the one thing they could agree upon was they hated england and its tyranny.

so we sit down all the different factions, jihads, groups, and parties, and we say to them (in our best texas accent), "okay, here's the deal, y'all hate the fuck out of us. that's something y'all got in common, so start there."

then we proceed to tell them that here's some guidelines to follow: you get to have slaves for a hundred years, free them after a bloody civil war that tears the country apart and kills many of the males, and then treat them like second-class citizens for nearly another hundred years, and after riots in the streets and shootings and police brutality, you will grudgingly allow them the same rights you yourself enjoy. however, it will take literally forever for a percentage of your population to treat them like equals. you will also assume people living in the geographic part of your country that lost the civil war are fucking morons and bigots because some hundred years ago, their way of life centered around having (and in many cases, mistreating) slaves.

in about forty years, we will come back and burn down some important gubernatorial building, and you will kill all of us that reside still within your borders off. this will further unite the powers that be in your country. (i say powers that be because the slaves, the minorities, and the women won't give a flying fuck so long as they aren't messed with. they will be too busy trying to fucking survive)

you won't allow your women to vote for about a hundred and forty years, and won't allow them to work in "manly" jobs for another thirty years after that, and then it will take about another fifteen to twenty years for them to even be allowed to push for higher positions in politics and business. like the freed slaves, they may never quite get treated like equals, and will always be fighting for equality.

so there you have it. democracy is not pretty. it doesn't happen over night, it doesn't seem to happen fully even over the span of a hundred or two hundred years, and that's just if you look at our own history. i didn't even touch upon getting to nearly obliterate the indigenous peoples of the area, and then giving them casinos and fireworks stands as a pisspoor attempt to make it up to them. and who's to say that iraq's democracy should turn out like ours? certainly not me. i think it would be a wonderful thing, in amongst all the less-than glorious moments, if iraq were to beat our record (and by that i mean seriously less blood, less loss of life, and considerably less years) for "democracy" by a large margin.

and i think that if we start with the "y'all hate us" line as a basis, iraq could get together a working democracy in no time at all.

darth sardonic

Monday, September 19, 2005

the 80's

well, kids, the 80's are coming back in a big way. as someone who survived my teen years in the 80's, let me offer some insight:

shit that was cool about the 80's:

robert smith, et al. vision streetwear. bladerunner. black turtlenecks (black everything, for that matter). bauhaus. crazy hair (a la the cure, or the exploited, take your pick). vans. alternative sexual lifestyles felt comfortable enough to finally be open and accepted (and the rest of us were finally able to let them be open and accepted). chuck taylors. joy division. t&c surf designs. industrial music. mad max, et al.

shit about the 80's we should never see again (though some of it already abounds):

those brightly-colored t-shirt dresses. reagonomics. cold war. what we used to call "bangs to heaven". mony, mony. legwarmers. valley girls. top gun. acid wash anything. fifty-million bracelets on each arm. dirty dancing. 3 layers of pastel polo shirts with the collar up. crimped hair. greed and wall street. shirts with the collar and sleeves ripped off. cramming as much shit into the back pocket of your levis as possible (i.e. comb, wallet, small book, etc.) stirrup pants.

i'm sure there's more, but i have to go meet no. 1's bus, and no. 2 is throwing a tantrum that i am sure is going to give him an aneurysm, for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

talk at you again soon,

darth sardonic

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

in all fairness

i would recomend reading the comment from inquisitor on my impeachment post, and my replies, before continuing.

i did find this person's blog, after all, by typing the domain name in my address bar. now, here's the rub, we seem to be on the same side, though i use raw emotion to get my point across, and inquisitor seems to use lots of words, most of them large, and a seemingly superior intellect. could it be that the reason we have w for a second term is that the rest of us who feel that having bush as a president in the first place was a big detriment can't seem to get along? my blog was attacked as detracting from the people who really use their blogs as a soapbox. as far as i can tell, blogs are not the basis for any kind of change other than within the minds of the readers, though i would venture a guess that people who don't already agree with us aren't really reading our blogs, so it's more of a place where like-minded people can share their views.

we would share the same sentiments, but because i appear to be "less" educated or informed than, say, inquisitor, i'm taking away from the seriousness of these more intillectual types' blogs? a blog is simply an online diary that others can read. i didn't start mine as a political forum. i started it as a place to bitch about the things that bother me, and to celebrate the things that make me happy.

as a result, i occasionally blog about the government, or the president, and sundry others. i also occasionally blog about scratching my ass, masturbation, drinking too much coffee, and the crazy things that my children do. i mean, my domain name is darth sardonic, for fuck's sake! maybe all within the scope of this little bit of cyberspace might well be taken with a grain of salt.

and i seriously doubt that anyone has snatched up my impeachment post and used it as a basis for generating petitions to be signed, or begun to lobby at congress, or staged a "million-blogger march" or anything of that nature, so lets view my blog for what it is, simply: a spot where i rant and rave about the things that affect me, unread by billions, and making little or no effect on the state of things, except that i feel better having gotten it off my chest.

inquisitor makes many good points in its own blog, if you take the time to wade through the rhetoric. i would suggest checking it out. since i seem to be a threat to the sanctity of what is being said there, i probably won't add it to my "pals" links, you understand.

can't we all just get along?

darth sardonic

Tuesday, September 13, 2005


ok, now bush has actually copped to being an idiot and appointing fellow idiots to run shit that idiots shouldn't be running, and has accepted blame for the mismanagement of this whole louisiana situation.

we tried to impeach clinton for a slobjob, and no one even died. can we impeach bush now? please? quickly, before he kills a shiteload more people.

darth sardonic


so the wife and i got our tats. my wife got hers between her shoulder blades along her spine, which turned out to be a highly painful spot. i had told her before we went that she was going to get this one and then start wanting many others. and it was sort of like when she had no. 1. she did natural child birth with no. 1, (no. 2 was born c-section, so "natural" was nowhere in sight), and while he was being born she informed me that she never wanted to do this again. while she was getting the tat, she was in quite a bit of pain, and i'm sure she was thinking, "well, this is it for me."

fast forward to a mere hour later, when she says, "you'll have to help me figure out how i can add to it."

and i got one on my calf. now, the calf is a very fleshy, and, i would've thought, low on the nerve endings kind of spot (my other tats are an armband, and a small one on my chest--both famous for being not-so-fun places to get work done), and boy, was i wrong. the calf hurt easily as much as the underarm. however, all very worth it, and i am currently doing drawings for the big tribal that is going on my back.

in other news, we were watching this show on hbo last night (on demand, probably) called "sex inspectors", and they had a statistic that cracked my wife and i up:

"men who have 3 or more orgasms a week are 50% less likely to die from heart disease than those who don't"

my wife points at me. i think, what about 3 or more orgasms a day?

then i say out loud, "i'm gonna live forever."

and a little while ago, i was having a conversation with a relative of my buddy s' at a bbq he was having, and this guy was a few years older than me and s. and he asked what i did, to which i replied, "i'm a stay-home dad"

he blinked twice, silent.

and i say, "and i drive pizzas in the evenings"

"oh, okay, so you're employed"

that line really bothered me, and whenever i get this kind of attitude to the statement "stay-home dad" i get really aggravated. so i'll just say this to any and everyone who will listen:

"stay-home dad" is not a euphemism for "unemployed" or "between jobs". i chose, and my wife chose along with me, to stay home from work to provide my children with the kind of one-on-one care and nurturing that this great big fucked up world requires. and it's a tougher job than jackhammering a slab of concrete inside the barrel of a mixer truck (i know, i've done it), it's harder than loading glu-lams onto a semi (glu-lams are the support beams of houses, made up of 2X4's glued and laminated together, and weighing in somewhere just shy of a metric ton), keeps me busier than the 8 am dirty dishes rush (when only myself and one other guy were working before the midday shift came on, and somewhere around 300 students were dropping their dishes off prior to leaving for class), more tiring than pulling twelve-hour security shifts during a practice "invasion", harder on the body than crawling into the 1-and-a-half foot crawlspace under a house and shoveling dirt, and more mentally and emotionally exhausting in five minutes than four hours of dealing with customers unsatisfied with their carhartt purchase, or their chile relleno, or the delivery time of their pizza.

anyone who thinks that being a stay-home parent is easy should take the darth sardonic challenge: take care of your kid(s), with little or no breaks for six months. yes, six months. any yahoo can watch a kid for a day (if you are unable to watch your kid for a day, do the world a favor and commit yourself!), most people could watch their kids for a week or two without too many ill effects, but to really get the feel of being terminally exhausted, unable to deal with the day-to-day whining and tantrums, being coated in piss, shit, or puke, loss of memory and ability to accomplish simple tasks, strung out to the max your frazzled nerves can withstand, you really have to donate six months of your life.

ok, so anyways, boy, glad i got that off my chest. now, if you'll excuse me, i need to go spend about 5 or 6 minutes keeping my heart health up. heh heh.

darth sardonic

Friday, September 09, 2005

time for our daily meltdown

yes, fair reader, it seems that lately we have been having a daily meltdown, and now's the time. hold on, sounds like no. 1 might've broken something expensive...

no, he just pulled the tv in his room down off it's stand. it is now stored safely in my locked bedroom. along with the ps2 that he and no. 2 were yanking around while they fought over who got to play the game.

these major tantrums seem to end abruptly upon no. 1's realization that he needs to pee. while he does a fair job of going peepee in the potty, we've made no progress on poop. just now i looked over my shoulder (i was fighting no. 1, who was trying to turn off the computer screen while i was typing) to see no. 1 buck naked and doing the dance.

now he's calm. and i could use a drink.

in other news, the other day i was leaving the place of my employ and walking to my car, and spied a young lady in her vehicle, cutting through the parking lot using empty spaces rather than the lanes of traffic provided. she turned from cutting across the lot onto a regular lane of traffic, and nearly hit a truck, who was utilizing the lanes in their normal function.

now, the thing that cracked me up is this: after they both slammed on their brakes, got their near-accident sorted out, and started back on their respective ways, the young lady was obviously chewing out the truck from the safe confines of her air-conditioned car.

the dumb fucking twat. through her own massive stupidity, she nearly caused an accident, and then, to top it off, yelled at the driver of the truck, who was driving along, minding his own business, and had enough presence of mind to stop his vehicle before he ran over her dipshit ass. i wanted to chase her down and call her a stream of names, just on principle's sake.

and then it slowly dawned on me that as a nation we are the kings of doing something stupid and then blaming someone else. look at this whole louisiana mess. bush was pissed at mother nature. hey, you fucking namby moronic prat, you knew that this was gonna happen for several days, you could have done much to prevent the death, at the very least, of numerous people. you could have helped the people who didn't have the means to evacuate themselves. now, you are forcing people out of their homes at fucking gunpoint!!!! what the holy FUCK do you hope to accomplish by that? "you MUST leave your homes, citizens. then the news won't have any more disturbing photos to air, and maybe the world will forget that i am a completely idiotic and incompetent asshole with a god complex."

pepper the cat sits calmly on the arm of the couch as the world falls noisily to shit all around her. if i wasn't in the middle of a shouting match with my oldest, it would crack me up how calm she manages to stay. that's why i love cats, i am convinced that they would find a nice warm spot and calmly weather out the third world war. the cockroaches, cats, and keith richards are guaranteed to be the only things left after the Big One.

my wife and i go out for new tats tonight: her first, and my third. i am excited. i think she is mildly indifferent.

no. 1 is now happily watching the empire strikes back like his world wasn't falling apart a mere 20 minutes ago. every time he sees one of the star destroyers, he excitedly proclaims "sspasesheeop!" which makes me smile. so if you were concerned that this posting would end with one or all of us in the hospital, take heart, my beloved reader, we'll survive surprisingly well.

(and i always tell my wife that kids are naturally cute for a reason: every time i felt that i would have to kill my kid, they do something funny or heartwarming or they give me The Eyes, and they get a stay of execution.)

darth sardonic

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

where is the humanity?

for all our so-called desire to spread freedom and "humanity" throughout the world, we are probably the worst example of a nation based on humanity that there is.

i watch the news in correlation to the hurricane damage in louisiana and mississippi, and i think that we have seriously missed the boat. funny how when five hurricanes pummeled florida, we didn't see them not getting the help they needed? right?

recently, some vigilante in bellingham killed two sex-offenders, and threatened three more's lives. now, i'm not saying that these sex offenders aren't necessarily bad people, but they have a right to live, just like everyone else. it's not for this anonymous person to decide who lives and who dies. this fella is probably related to the zealous christian types who kill abortion doctors. (which brings rise to an interesting question: how can you call yourself "pro-life" and be for the death penalty? how can you call yourself "pro-life" and think that a war of any kind is justified? how can you lobby to keep terry shaivo alive, and turn around and say that we should put murderers in the chair, and bomb the fuck out of the middle east? where do we draw the line? and who gets to make the distinction? and an interesting sidenote: the scripture that these people like to quote in conjunction with the death penalty for violent offenders is "an eye for an eye" do you know where that scripture appears? the old testament. it was an old law. it was a law that christ came to supersede. you know what christ said on the subject? two things come immediately to mind: "turn the other cheek" and "let he who is without sin cast the first stone", after which he told the offender, a harlot, to "go and sin no more". he also said, when asked how many times we should forgive someone who trespasses against us, "70 times 7", so if you take that literally, you should forgive a person of their sins against us 490 times, but christ meant it more like you should always forgive them. you call yourself a christian, start actually living like one!)

recently, i heard someone (ostensibly a ultra-conservative christian) say "they (referring to the liberals) are trying to tear down our way of life" what?!? excuse me? what the fuck are you blathering on about? no one is trying to tear down "your" way of life. no one. no one is breaking into your places of worship and burning your books, or smearing shit all over the walls, or gunning you down as you pray. no one is requiring all christians to register, or denounce their faith, or to be burned at the stake or whipped in the town square. we are simply trying to run a country that was founded on religious freedom like a country that was founded on religious freedom. we are not, i repeat NOT a christian country. nowhere in the constitution ,the preamble, or the bill of rights does it state anywhere that we are a christian nation. and furthermore, the vast majority of my friends are liberals, or more liberal in their thinking than many of these motherfucking dipshits who toss this kind of bollocks around like it is generally accepted common knolwedge, and many of them are christians. many of them are better examples of christianity than these bastards who run around spouting all this prejudiced hatred propaganda like it is scripture. you know what christ would be, were he born today in the us? the son of a teen unwed mother, who was unpatriotic, impoverished, and ultimately killed by capital punishment. ty to the (liberal) ordained baptist minister (and black) on bill maher yesterday for putting it so beautifully into perspective. i read an article recently in GQ in which the author interviewed a few zealous christians who are moving to some burg in south carolina with the intent of getting themselves elected into leadership positions, setting up the laws the way that they want, and, if necessary, secceding from the us of a. is there anything i can do to speed up this process? oh, and convince more crazy christians to join? and can they take w with 'em? i'm sure he'd be thrilled to be dictator-for-life for some zealous crazy-ass miniscule country that founds its laws and principles on the old testament. (i still can't get over why all the "christians" are so hung up on the old testament instead of using the new testament more. actually, i think few of them actually read the bible, they just take everything that their preacher says to heart, and treat it like it's all true, and all pertinent information.

all around me i see hatred, and anger, racism, prejudice, greed. i think it might very well be time for someone to drop the bomb, or some kind of horrible virus, or whatever, because we as a nation at least are getting too big for our britches (as my mom would say), and we need to be brought down a few notches. oh, and i'm in the process of learning korean. so i'm all set.

darth sardonic