Friday, May 20, 2011
as promised, life is back to as normal as life can be, and i am done being morose for the time-being. i guess i didn't really have much else to say at this juncture except that the funk that was clouding my post about my graduation is gone.
in a completely unrelated topic, why is it that a woman who could easily be my daughter (street-legal, as it were, but still in the late teens/early twenties and therefore young enough to be the firstborn of a dude who is going to be 40 (yes! 40! (?!?)) next month) make coquettish eyes at me and flirt? and no! no, no, no. saying something like, "you're hot" et al is not really answering the question for me. i am curious as to what the driving attraction for her would be, not necessarily to me specifically, but to a man who is obviously older. as a writer, i feel i need to at least have a basic understanding of what is going on in her head.
and yes, a young blonde with a lip piercing who was graduating with me was doing exactly this before the crowd expanded and she was pushed away to find some other guy to flirt with. i was simply being polite back, o my beloved non-existent readers, lest ye think in some way my heart is straying from my lovely wife. but in all honesty it is a weird combination of emotions involved for me: i am flattered (i mean, after all, i am a dude. a dude who doesn't really think of himself as sexy. or hot. and everyone wants to feel attractive. this is completely set apart from my feelings for my wife.), and at the same time, i automatically think, why the fuck is she flirting with me as i am obviously much older and there are at least 50 hotter younger buffer guys nearby?
my wife simply says (as she does, matter-of-factly, as if it should've been so clear to me) "it's cause you're sexy." i sure do love her.
and when i pose the same concern about what is going on in a woman's head to my wife, she just as matter-of-factly says, "security."
can the woman's thought process really be boiled down to one word? was this lady thinking that by making eyes at me we would have a long conversation, fall in love, and i would take care of her till i grow old and die and then leave her to pine for another 20 years until she herself is finally old too?
somehow i doubt that.
comments from anyone (but especially women) as to what sorts of thoughts, however random, back this action are most welcome. it is not necessary to make confessions, i am not asking anyone for their sordid past. generalities are sufficient. i would just like to approximate an understanding of the woman's mind on this. thanks.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Deep in the cell of my heart I really want to go...
some part of the scrawny, gawky kid who hated himself and never fit in still lingers within me, and that fucker has a knack for doing and saying the wrong thing.
this should, i spose, be a happy post about my graduation from community college with an associates of science in drafting design. and it is. but it's funny how whatever i write is colored by the mood i am in at the time. so it will seem a little incongruous when i say i am feeling a bit like a failure.
now, come back and talk to me tomorrow. all will be well, i will have cast off this funk caused by lack of sleep (i used to be permanently exhausted due to the kids not sleeping and now i am permanently exhausted because after i do what i have to do, i do what i want to do and there just isn't enough hours in the day.)
so, back to my graduation. i thought my grades in more recent times would be more than sufficient to bring up my cumulative gpa to graduate with honors. i had an abysmally poor showing at my first year of college, where i barely went to class let alone read or study. well, apparently how i do the math and how they do the math are not the same and i came in just below the "with honors" cut off.
small matter. i was still excited (in my ben stein kinda way) to be graduating, and proud of myself (in my self-deprecating manner) of my accomplishments. it felt good to walk across that stage in my robe and mortarboard, tassel tickling my ear. it's taken me an incredibly long time to sort of "come into my own" so to speak, and my graduation ceremony was a sort of culmination. and i got to have my wonderful, lovely wife (who told me i was the hottest guy up there) and my two boys (who cheered and kept shooting me thumbs up or double index finger pistol shots combined with winks) there, and that was at least as important as getting the diploma in the first place.
i am looking for jobs, but the prospect looks bleak around the area, so further into summer i may look for a job on base that is unrelated to my actual degree but that would at least afford me a paycheck. can't be too picky these days, can we?
i don't know what to say about the tiny misfit riding along inside me. i'm never gonna be fully rid of that guy. and i couldn't be, or i would cease to be me. i wish i could suppress him more. but then, again, i would cease to be me. as i said, this too shall pass, let's focus on my graduation.
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
buying a copy of catcher in the rye to leave the house...
i'm not a conspiracy theorist. i don't believe 9/11 was engineered by big businesses worldwide. i doubt truman did deals with aliens. i have trouble imagining the freemasons constructed every aspect of the burgeoning government of our fledgling nation to secretly control this country from behind the scenes.
but this whole "bin laden's dead" thing seems just a little too trite and easy.
first of all, in my opinion, it doesn't make a shitlick of difference. there's probably another 50 guys in turbans and beards ready to take his place and engineer another attack against us. know why? cause we have been fucking about in their country and blowing up their families for no-shit nearly fucking ten years now. and not just their country, but iraq too. and thumbing our noses and tossing taunts at iran. and threatening to beat up pakistan if they didn't let us enter their country looking for bin laden so that we could fuck about in their country and blow up their families as well.
but all that aside, right? i mean, for nearly ten years we didn't have the foggiest where bin laden or most of his next-in-commands were, and actually thought they might've all hightailed it to pakistan (see above paragraph) and all of a sudden, with little warning whatsoever and seemingly overnight, we know exactly where he is, and have shot a smartbomb in there to blow him to bits, then collected a piece of him off a wall and checked it against his dna (what? when the fuck did we get bin laden's dna prior to killing him to have something to check against?) to make sure he was, in fact, dead.
seems a bit like a publicity stunt created by politicians who are really none too popular right now (let's face it, with anyone who doesn't have their head buried in their iphone, no one who considers themselves a politician in this country is very popular right now, regardless of affiliation) to try and boost some ratings.
i mean, why didn't they bring him somewhere to stand trial? like hussein.
but let's pretend for a moment that he really is dead. and that no one else is champing at the bit to take his place. can we bring the troops home then? from iraq, too? (i mean, what the fuck are we still doing there really? besides still dying off?) we should be able to. i mean, our purpose was to get bin laden, alive or dead, and we have, apparently, gotten him dead, so let's fuck off then. mission accomplished. job well done. pop the corks and light the cigars. ding dong the witch is dead.
somehow, i seriously doubt this will bring our soldiers home anytime soon.
thanks for playing along, o my beloved non-existent readers.