on burnt bridges and sailed ships

it is your choice. it is your choice to continue careening angrily through life like a tarnished errant pinball. it is your choice to snap like a rabid dog at the hands that would help boost you up.

it is your choice to hold grudges like blankets made of tetanus and barbed wire, clutching them close till they disease your blood, and lock your jaw.

it is your choice to pick friends who will tell you what you want to hear over your true friends. friends who worry about you and aren't afraid to tell you that you are maybe making poor choices. it is your choice to leave these true, but sometimes painful, friendships behind like rotting leftovers of savory dishes that you have enjoyed until they no longer served your tastes.

it is your choice to douse the timbers in gasoline and strike the match. it is your choice to stand, hand on hip, the line of your mouth set hard, back turned; on the docks as the cruise line pulls away, blasting its final farewell air horn into the dark, empty night.

darth sardonic

epilogue, epitaph, epithet

ultimately, i am a big fucking asshole.

the car formerly known as the interceptor now resides at a junkyard. n my neighbor was right. (though he was completely sorry, refused to say "i told you so" (despite me saying he could, as i was man enough to take it) and said he says that stuff and then hopes for the best because he knows i love the car.)

but let's be honest, o thou droogs and only friends, the beloved non-existent readers who have truly (apparently) become non-existent, when the shop called, the repair was much more expensive than expected, and would take four times as long as expected, and hey you know what? i like to think i am man enough to admit when i have had it; when my number is up.

going car shopping tomorrow, and no, i will not be looking at lincolns.

and furthermore, a simple little tagline: i'm a dick. well, sometimes. i try not to be, but like every other fucking homo sapien on the planet, i have my moments. i try to own em when i cotton to it. so this is your opportunity to say "fuck you, darth, ya cunt!"

thanks for playing along.

darth sardonic

i mean, really!

ok, if you have been reading at this tiny bit of broken glass on the beaches of the world wide web for any length of time, you know i am completely down with nudity (my own, and that of others).

it's also possible, o my droogs and only friends, my long-suffering non-existent readers, that you might've also cottoned to the fact that i am a firm believer that there is a time a place for everything.

so here's the rub: i will not be finding any new pals to add to the list today as a result of one particular blogger somewhere in germany.

i clicked on "naked lunch" in my favorite books and commenced traversing the blogsphere like a much taller and only slightly less rounder bilbo baggins. blog number four featured a not-so-slim fella who apparently held the camera just below his (rather small, shriveled, ugly, and uncircumcised) genitalia and snapped a pic upwards towards his face, so that the very first thing greeting my upon looking was his semi-erect cock.

now, again, penises don't bother me. nudity does not bother me. but when i am fucking searching for blogs to read, i really don't want to be bombarded by your dick! i'd rather not find myself positioned somewhere slightly below your scrotum like you and i are on the most intimate of terms. these sorts of things need a certain amount of warning, of prep, or at the very least, the proper mindset to start off with: "ok, it's no big deal, i am gonna be seeing a naked middle-aged man. so don't freak out." at the very least, right?

but here i am, munching on a sandwich, thinking (the truth comes out as to how i search for pals, lol): "boring, boring, full of himself, boring, way too high-maintenance, bor--holy fucking two-week old fuckstain!! what the fuck?!!? who would do that?!? fucking warn a guy, jesus christ!"

so if i have no one new to add, you, the beleaguered non-existents, might understand why.

thanks for playing along.

darth sardonic

we are the insurgents

worldwide the status quo reigns. war is easier to maintain than peace. there are a million ways to feel better about oneself without ever having to change. but we are watching. we come from everywhere: every continent and every country, every color and every creed, every walk of life and tax bracket. we refuse to go down like this. we will not be sedated with commercials that sell us beauty in a jar. we won't be distracted from the coffins and the dirty lies our political leaders feed us as they sign death warrants under the table. we refuse to accept our fate. right now, legionaires are taking up pens or books, calvaliers are sitting to their computers. others will take up microphones and guitars. our weapons will only wound your mind; open it like a gash to the possibility of other possibilities. we look just like you. this is not a revolution of blood in the streets or even to overthrow a government. it is a revolution of the heart. it is a war being battled for the common good of mankind the world over. missiles loaded with the message "there doesn't have to be a right or wrong, good or evil. we are all human beings." will be targeted at each and every home. paint a bull's-eye on your television. the time is now. rome is burning and nero is playing air guitar to his ipod. break free of media fetters to allow your own self to decide what you like and what you want. make change for the better. sow the seeds of peace and acceptance. break down barriers of style and income. be happy. be so happy and comfortable with yourself that your cup overflows and you must share the run-off with those around you who aren't so blessed. the revolution will not be televised.

inspirational posters on the walls of hell

that isn't the light at the end of the tunnel, that is the light of the oncoming train.

if life gives you lemons, kick life in the nuts.

i don't suffer from depression, insanity, or alcoholism: i enjoy every fucking second!

teamwork: so you won't be the only fucker going down when the shit hits the fan.

we give 110% all the time. no fucking wonder we are in an economic bind.

i am hoping kissed bruises, hours spent putting together lego playsets, rumpled hair, and the occasional note reminding my kids i am proud of them will go a long way for erasing the shit i have pulled in the past.

darth sardonic

do we...?

we teach our children that they can do and be anything they want.

do we teach them that just because we can doesn't mean we should?

Flobots, Handlebars:

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars
I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars
Look at me, look at me
hands in the air like it's good to be
ALIVE
and I'm a famous rapper
even when the paths're all crookedy
I can show you how to do-si-do
I can show you how to scratch a record
I can take apart the remote control
And I can almost put it back together
I can tie a knot in a cherry stem
I can tell you about Leif Ericson
I know all the words to "De Colores"
And "I'm Proud to be an American"
Me and my friend saw a platypus
Me and my friend made a comic book
And guess how long it took
I can do anything that I want cuz, look:
I can keep rhythm with no metronome
No metronome
No metronome
I can see your face on the telephone
On the telephone
On the telephone
Look at me
Look at me
Just called to say that it's good to be
ALIVE
In such a small world
All curled up with a book to read
I can make money open up a thrift store
I can make a living off a magazine
I can design an engine sixty four
Miles to a gallon of gasoline
I can make new antibiotics
I can make computers survive aquatic conditions
I know how to run a business
And I can make you wanna buy a product
Movers shakers and producers
Me and my friends understand the future
I see the strings that control the systems
I can do anything with no assistance
I can lead a nation with a microphone
With a microphone
With a microphone
I can split the atoms of a molecule
Of a molecule
Of a molecule
Look at me
Look at me
Driving and I won't stop
And it feels so good to be
Alive and on top
My reach is global
My tower secure
My cause is noble
My power is pure
I can hand out a million vaccinations
Or let'em all die in exasperation
Have'em all healed of their lacerations
Have'em all killed by assassination
I can make anybody go to prison
Just because I don't like'em and
I can do anything with no permission
I have it all under my command
I can guide a missile by satellite
By satellite
By satellite
and I can hit a target through a telescope
Through a telescope
Through a telescope
and I can end the planet in a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handle bars
No handlebars

there is time...

with the right combination of coffee and water and cereal and milk, despite the hectic nature of the day, there is time:

there is time to dance in the living room while pretending we are live in concert and the footage we are filming will be used in a video. there is time to pretend i am the silly one in the band and make faces at the "camera." there is time to take the long way round instead of heading directly up to the door. there is time to stop and check out a snail. there is time to leave, and come back to check out the snail again. twice. there is time to say "yay!" and do a little dance at each small task that is accomplished. there is time to smile. there is time to chuff chuff crunch crackle through the brilliantly-colored fallen leaves on the sidewalk. there is time to send a silly random text to a friend. there is time for more water. there is time to pretend we are being chased by bad guys and hide. there is time to notice that no. 1 is mimicing me when i say, "thanks, have a good day." to the lady at the drive-thru, and smile secretly to myself. there is time to argue with no. 2 about his 'hawk: he doesn't want it today and i want to put it up cause he really looks like a nerd with it down. there is time for me to cave, and let him choose to have it down. there is time for me to be ok with that. there is time to empower. there is time to wonder why the hot ups lady that i just saw pass me on my road never delivers packages to my house, but the creepy guy who also delivers to the wife at work and talks to me like we are old pals always does. there is time to imagine what this post will be like. there is time to pretend to be a plane. there is time to sing "sharing cokes under this moonlit summer sky" and suddenly and inexplicably get choked up for an instant. there is time for lollipops. there is time to be reminded that you really are a decent father. there is time to remind someone else that they, too, are doing a good job despite what they think. there is time to misspell a word, laugh, and correct it. there is time to watch my kids when they don't know i am watching. there is time to be proud of them. there is time to let them know i am proud of them. there is time to cry. there is time to laugh. there is time to breathe, and reflect, and tell yourself it's not as bad as it seems. there is time to focus on the positive. there is time to tell yourself it will be fine. there is time to remind yourself how lucky you are. there is time for coffee. there is time to interact with someone for the sake of interacting and nothing more. there is time to be quick to lavish praise. there is time to ask yourself before reacting, "are they really hurting anything?" there is time to smell the flowers. there is time to start off posting about something small and potentially cute and let it get away from you and allow so much more unexpected stuff to pour out of you onto the page as if some higher power is using you to express simple truths.

there is time time to live.

darth sardonic